Posh, Broke, & Bored

10 Surprising Things I Learned About Russia from my trip to Moscow and Saint Petersburg

CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF RUSSIA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS BLOG OF POSH, BROKE, & BORED

*wow, a Borat and The Hobbit reference in one heading - I'm on fire.

At first glance, the gorgeous man draped languidly across the foot of my bed appeared to have nothing in common with me. His hair was as fair as mine was dark, his eyes as blue as mine were black, and his accent as soothingly Antipodean as mine was disconcertingly Transatlantic-meets-Rah. Yet he nodded in solidarity as he agreed, “I’m glad you feel the same way as I do about Russia and Cuba, and I'm glad that unlike so many people we've actually been to both.” Quite. Like her Caribbean ex-comrade, Russia is a country that everyone has a strong, quite often negative opinion on yet many have never been to. Wake up and smell the stroganoff, people!Break the shackles of Western propaganda! You have nothing to lose but your chains of uninformed prejudice! This month's travel blogger linkup explores the unexpected, so as my contribution here are this #TravelBlogger's 10 Surprising Things About Russia I Learnt from my summer in Moscow and Saint Petersburg. Поехали!

ONE/один
Russia is a country of contrasts, or so I gleaned from the two cities that are its former and current capital. Despite her imperial trappings - legends surrounding the Tsars and their infamously obscene displays of wealth - modern-day Saint Petersburg is incredibly laid back, almost nonchalant. Oh, this old thing dripping in gold? That's all in the past. On the other hand, contemporary Moscow practically screams "Cash Rules Everything Around Me C.R.E.AM, Get the money, rouble rouble bill ya'll..." Jarring, to say the least, when juxtaposed against a backdrop of Soviet-era landmarks.

TWO/два
Saint Petersburg and Moscow are remarkably clean. While the streets may not be as spotless as Singapore (and let's face it, which country is?) both cities are positively gleaming - and this was in summer, the peak travel season.

THREE/три
When it comes to being 'for the people' Moscow certainly puts her money where her mouth is - just look at their public transport.

FOUR/четыре
Contrary to what American cartoons would have you believe Russia is not full of bears on unicycles nor men dancing the Kalinka in Red Square. Although there are Lenin lookalikes hovering about the tourist attractions for photo opportunities…

FURTHER READING

Saint Petersburg cribs: Russian Tsars Edition

Moscow, Russia: What to See in 24 Hours

IN SOVIET RUSSIA, METRO RIDE YOU

I'm no communist (even if I agree that the best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter) but if there's a 'All for one and one for all' gesture I can get behind it's the Moscow Metro. Chandeliers, marble columns and floors, mother of pearl inlays, murals, Yuri Gagarin themed-trains...and all this regal splendour is being spent on a 'palace' the public can enjoy, that is the everyman's daily transport.

CONTRASTS & CONTRADICTIONS

How delightfully amusing to think that just a stone's throw away from the Lenin's tomb, the well-heeled nouveau riche are:
a) flocking to GUM (Russia's equivalent of Harrods) to snap up Gucci purses (above, left and right) or
b) peacocking at the O2 Lounge (top, left and right) in flashy 'we have arrived!' displays that could very well be straight out of Dubai, Shanghai, or London if not for the view of Red Square from the rooftop bar.

FURTHER READING

O2 LOUNGE, Ritz-Carlton Moscow

Arriving in Russia: Hotel National Moscow

FIVE/пять
For an country whose erroneous exoticism is hardened red-faced men wrapped in wolf fur knocking back Stolichnaya to keep the cold at bay,Russia is HOT. When it comes to dressing for a travel destination, especially one where I will be visiting places of worship, I always err on the side of conservative caution and pack maxi dresses for summer plus a shawl should the need to cover my ample bosom arises. Airy, gossamer-light maxi dresses have always helped me travel in style and comfort yet the sheer chiffon and cotton numbers I bought for last summer's trip to Moscow and Saint P might as well been a Siberian fox fur coat. Those overexposed photos you see here? No edit - that's just the Russian sun.

FURTHER READING

Russian Red

SIX/шесть

The food isn’t all gruel and potatoes. Well, it kinda-sorta-is if you’re a vegetarian as my then-boyfriend and his many, many plates of starch would attest. There is always herbivore-friendly The Idiot in Saint Petersburg and no, the name does not reflect the owners' perception of vegetarians - the restaurant is named after Dostoevsky's famous novel. But for the most part: when in Russia, have beef with the Russians. Literally: sink your teeth into stroganoff and tartare, and don't forget to wash it down with shots of smooth, ice-cold vodka.

FURTHER READING

Aristocratic Eats at Café Pushkin, Moscow

4 Restaurants to try in St Petersburg, Russia

220 Years of Russian Tradition - Palkin restaurant, Saint Petersburg

3 facts about Russia & Russians that I gleaned from the locals:

SEVEN/семь

Russians aren’t all stern and standoffish. You'll forgive them for not showing you their teeth before getting to know you - smiles are for friends, not to be given away like condoms at a free clinic. A 'duty smile' is not one of politeness but rather insincerity. "The laugh without reason is the sign of stupidity."

EIGHT/восемь

Russia isn't especially homophobic, just conservative: all overt public displays of affection are frowned upon, whether they are hetero or homosexual.

NINE/девять

Putin isn't the megalomaniac he's made out to be, and no more corrupt/evil/insert unflattering adjective than any other world leader. Ask any Russian about why he's so popular - he gets the job done ("Who else?"), he's saved the economy, he's improved women’s rights and animal conservation, plus he's an all-round badass who doesn't give a sh*t about your sanctions.

← yeah, that's my souvenir from Russia. I'm not Putin you on.

so in conclusion, I've deduced that...

TEN/десять

Russia has a bad rep with the West, because the West turns to the US and UK for their ~~propaganda~~ news. The US b*tches about Russia because here's a big former Commie country who's doing fine and isn't afraid of them. The UK plays along because they want to stay sweet with Uncle Sam. 'Cos freedom is the only f-ing way yeah!

Intrigued and want to form your own opinion on Russia?
Start with a trip to Saint Petersburg and stay at The W Hotel.

Have you ever let propaganda discourage you from visiting a place?
Or did it only make you more keen to see it for yourself? (You rebel, you!)

What and where is your most unexpected journey, and why?

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THIS MONTH'S TRAVEL BLOGGER LINKUP: UNEXPECTED PLACES

Gastrovino & Bar8: the latest culinary adventure by Italian spirits expert Giuseppe Gallo and the Made in Italy group comes to King's Road, Chelsea, offering affordable seasonal menus of authentic Italian food by chef Andrea Pesenti and a selection of 20 Italian wines and 8 unique cocktails.

THE BEST OF IL BEL PAESE 'THE BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY' AT

GASTROVINO & BAR8 • 257 KINGS ROAD SW3 5EL

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"I want abs, but...food. I love travel, but...lazy." My daily struggle encapsulated in ten words, 33 letters. Despite my best efforts, no amount of cat eye-eyeliner will make me Sophia "everything you see, I owe to spaghetti" Loren, which leaves me with my annual conundrum come Summer - how do I reconcile my love of Italian food (because carbs) with wanting to not be the first fatso to be eaten on The Island? Sometimes, the answer is in plain sight. Or rather, on the far end of the District Line, to be found at the other end of London. The one stone that killed both birds is a new gastronomical destination in Chelsea - Gastrovino & Bar8. This new culinary adventure by Italian spirits expert Giuseppe Gallo and the Made in Italy group opened on the KR (that's King’s Road to non-Sloanes) in February and is already enjoying a roaring trade. Lovers of the best of Il Bel Paese - 'the beautiful country', as Dante Alighieri defined the booted peninsula - flock to Gastrovino & Bar8 for chef Andrea Pesenti's menu of exceptionally authentic Italian dishes, many of which are seductively delicate and aren't even loaded with carbs! You can have your Italian and eat it too, it seems...

START AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON

I had to made the trek to West London for two events in Chelsea - a faux-flower arranging workshop with OKA followed by a tour of RHS Chelsea Flower Show - so I thought I'd make a working lunch out of my first stop in the Royal Borough. Sadie, my talent manager/agent-kindred free-sprit, joined me for lunch. We settled into a charmingly rustic nook by the window while perusing the Bar8 menu of 20 different wines by the glass - one for each Italian region - and their unique 8 cocktails made from of one of the world's largest vintage and modern collection of Vermouth and Amaro.

Being a working lunch, Sadie plumped for a colourful fruit bowl of a mocktail. I have never let my low threshold get in the way of, um, journalistic integrity so I chose a cocktail for the sake of research - because what is a #foodbloggers post without a pretty aperitif? Inspired by RHS Chelsea Flower Show, my drink was topped with freshly picked elderflower from chef's home in Surrey. An unexpected touch of olive oil dust resting delicately on a thin slice of carrot, attesting to the fresh and seasonal nature of both chef Andrea Pesenti and Giuseppe Gallo's menus.

We then moved on to three starters: green chillis, risotto balls, and mozzarella cubes served on colourful plates with a side of sauce for dipping. Of the three, I found the mozzarella cubes the most curious - their colour and texture was similar to ham, and the cheese had a subtle nutty flavour that evaded me. All in all, it made for an unexpected starter which set the tone for the exciting journey of flavour, texture, and presentation to come...

The six dishes that followed our starters were a riot of colour and a symphony of flavour, tied together with the theme of fresh, seasonal flowers to reflect the floral surroundings of Chelsea In Bloom. We began the 'mains event' with two seafood dishes: one of the freshest octopus I've ever tasted (above) , followed by one of the chef's signature dish - white sea bass carpaccio(below) - with a generous helping of 10 hour-proofed bread to mop up the remaining sauces from the plates.

Following the two seafood mains were two salad dishes. The beetroot salad(above) was - as expected from the quality of our previous mains - fresh, light, and delicate. Our second salad (below) was of the artichoke variety, but being absolutely terrified of artichoke I left this to Sadie who had nothing bad to say about it. I am a salad-dodger by choice, but I imagine vegetarians who want more choices at Italian restaurants than just pasta will be pleased by both salads.

Our fifth and sixth mains were much more up my street: decadent ingredients - truffles and raw meat - served up in attractive and colourful displays. Shoots, peas, and black truffle on a bed of ricotta(above) was just the sort of dish for a lush who craves a light dish with a touch of luxury. For the unabashed carnivore it doesn't get better than the steak tartare: for one, it looks like it's smiling at you! and two: the freshness of the meat is further highlighted with the addition of flowers that look like they were picked just seconds before reaching the plate.

Sadie and I, or rather just myself, polished off our feast with three classic Italian puddings, each with a twist. The biscotti was accompanied with oil for dipping, which was an extremely foreign concept to me, but when in Rome, eh? Happily, the two other desserts were far more comprehensible to my easily-confused palate. The drunken pear and ricotta cooked overnight in wine reduction was absolute perfection: with the perfect density-to-crumbly ratio of the best cheesecake, on a nutty base that only served as an exciting contrast to the creamy texture of the ricotta. Freshly picked elderflower made its final appearance, lightly scattered on a bed of strawberries that topped the apricot caramel panacotta. Again, the creativity of chef Andrea Pesenti showed in the details: the caramel is made from apricot, and what looked to be nuts were actually slices of apricot seed.

It's those kind of details, the freshness of the ingredients of the seasonal menu, the mouth watering flavours, and the gorgeous presentation of Gastrovino & Bar8 that makes the affordable prices all the more astonishing, and absolutely the reason why this latest addition to discerning Chelsea is already a booming success. I highly recommend, in this order; the octopus, white sea bass carpaccio, ricotta with black truffles and peas, steak tartare, drunken pear ricotta, and apricot caramel panacotta.

GASTROVINO & BAR8

FACEBOOK • INSTAGRAM • TWITTER

*Our meal was complimentary in exchange for this review. Thank you, Gastrovino & Bar8, for an afternoon of La Dolce Vita.

THE BEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING: FROM FAT TO FIT IN 3 STEPS

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Allow me to preface this post with a disclaimer that I am not a nutrition nor fitness expert. I'm from the far side of the moon, yo - you're talking to an aspiring skinny b*tch who wants to have her cake, Instagram it, and eat it too. In other words, a wishful thinker and a goddamn fool. To be honest, given my salad-dodging reputation, I wouldn't have blamed you for reading this blog post and thinking it an April's Fool joke. Losing 18.3kg (that's 40lbs, or 2 stone 11lbs) is arduous enough let alone striving to achieve that goal in 3-4 months without an exercise regime in place. Yet here I am: 3 months and some twenty restaurant/bar/café reviews later, having dropped a dress size and down to 70kg from my starting weight of 78.3kg. Whaaaaack. How did I drop it like a hot potato? Were drugs, starvation, or parasites involved? The answers are, in reverse order; God no, hell no, I wish, and read on to find out how I lost 8kg in 8 weeks in just three simple steps.

First things first; you have to be motivated for the right reasons. No amount of fat-shaming - whether from well-intentioned family and friends, concerned doctors, bored strangers on the internet, or spiteful other halves - will make you slim down unless you want to. And you shouldn't want to lose weight for anyone but yourself - only you have the right to decide how you want to look or feel. Secondly; there are no shortcuts. At least, no quick n' easy fix that won't come back to bite you in the arse. I've seen so many of my contemporaries resort to fad diets and/or develop eating disorders - anorexia, bulimia, and that fashion blogger favourite, orthorexia - only to have the lost weight bounce back with a vengeance or find themselves with sometimes irreversible damage to their long term health.

When it comes to losing a drastic amount of weight and taking control of your health, it's all or nothing. Either you change your lifestyle for the long run or don't bother at all. My personal reasons for slimming down to a UK8 and 60kg are to drastically lower my risk of Type 2 diabetes and also to look my best (I was that weight and size until I was 21, and those were glorious days). As it stands, I'm almost halfway there - today, I've lost 8 of the 18kg I want to and I'm down a dress size. And I did it without going to a gym, hiring a personal trainer or nutritionist, or spending any money...

HOW I LOST 1KG A WEEK WITHOUT EXERCISE:
SOME MATH, AN APP, AND DISCIPLINE.

1.
The only workout I did was the math to figure out how many calories I had to consume to lose weight at my desired rate. I used this calorie calculator and filled in my age, height, gender, daily activity level, how much weight I wanted to lose and when I wanted to lose it. I then got, based on my activity level (sedentary) the daily calorie intake to reach my goal: 1200 cals.

2.
Reducing my daily calorie intake from my then 2000 calories down to 1200 was surprisingly easy. First, I kicked my daily junk food habit by relegating all my food delivery apps to the last page on my iPhone and decided to cook most of my meals (making exceptions for dining out once or twice a week for my cheat days). Then, I plan my weekly meals with Tesco Real Food (you can search recipes by cuisine, course, cooking time, and most handily - calorie count) and simply clicked to add the ingredients to my weekly online grocery shop.

3.
Now that I knew my target weight, my ideal daily calorie intake and had a more or less accurate idea of how many calories I was consuming everyday, I kept track of my progress on the My Fitness Pal app. Every meal was logged diligently as was my weight (I weigh myself every morning at the same time for consistency) and I was astonished to see that I was losing 1 kg a week! The progress chart of my ever-dropping weight motivated me to keep on track with my healthy new lifestyle and diet.

8KG AND 1 DRESS SIZE DOWN, 10KG AND 1 DRESS SIZE TO GO. WHAT NOW?
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I must admit, now that I'm almost at the halfway mark my weight loss has been stagnant. The reason for this is simple; the less one weighs, the less calories one needs, and now that I've lost 8.3kg I need even less calories than I did when I weighed 78.3kg. Consuming 1200 calories a day no longer makes me lose 1kg a week but rather maintains my current weight of 70kg. To shed a further 10kg, I'll have to either reduce my calorie intake further or increase my activity level. With my love for food and also restaurant reviews being a part of this blog, starving myself is simply not an option - so moving my arse it is. Your girl has actually started taking public transport - walking up and down the Underground stairs burns more calories than plopping my butt in the back of a taxi - and walking to fetch my things (instead of sending someone to do it). At some point I'm going to actually have to break a sweat and embrace the dreaded E word ('exercise', shudder) so I'm looking into pilates, dance, and martial arts - three somewhat social workouts I'm actually interested in (read: won't bore me to death). Wish me luck...

Have you ever embarked on a drastic weight loss journey?
How did you go about it? Share your stories with me!

How and Why I Started Lifestyle Blogging: the origin story of how Posh, Broke, & Bored started as a parody and then took on a life of its own.

POSH, BROKE, & BORED: ORIGINS - HOW IT ALL BEGAN

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"Wake up! Get your skinny arse over here and take a look at this." I nudged the waif lying face down in my living room with my socked foot and he stirred from his hungover haze. I turned down the volume on last night/this morning's afterparty playlist - ♫ They only want you when you're 17, but you're 21, you're no fun... ♪ - and spritzed the kid with Febreeze for good measure. I nimbly dodged his feeble attempt of throwing an empty beer can at me in retaliation while expertly balancing my Macbook Pro in the crook of my elbow and a bottle of fabric freshener in my hand. "For fuss sake, Jasiminne, what?" he groaned while propping himself up against a leather jacket forgotten by one of my guests. He saw the website open on my browser and his eyes lit up, all grudges forgotten: "Oooooh, has she published a new photoshoot?"

"Shawty got that narcissistic existentialism..."

It was 2012. I was 25. Despite being the first of my then-circle to have bought a home, any vague semblance of being a fully-functioning adult ended there. For the most part, I was as reckless and debauched as the pretty young things I partied with day and night - the twenty-something posse of fashion stylists, artists, musicians who had left their provincial upbringings to seek their fortunes in London. I secretly called them 'The Beautiful And The Damned'. If three day benders of drinking and dancing were their religion, then a certain photographer's website was their Bible. Shawty got that narcissistic existentialism, and shawty got their validation from being having their portrait taken. Most of my extended circle have had snapshots of their decadent lifestyles - cheap n' somewhat cheerful council flats piled with heaps of ironic threads thrifted from the Salvation Army, bin bags overflowing with empty K Cider cans and Marlboro Lights butts, gig ticket stubs and posters of their matinee roll idols plastered over the crumbling walls of their dens - immortalised in all their grunge-glam glory on the blog of this photographer whose travels followed wherever the international party scene took her. It was all very heroin-chic, very 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'.

My now-awake companion scrolled through the photographer's newest photoset, recognising one of our friends as the latest subject. Studded denim jacket, check, Brothel Creepers, check, jumping into a skip brandishing a bottle of beer in youthful defiance, BINGO! "You know, Jasiminne, I think I know why you've never been asked to be photographed for this website," he sniggered. "You're too clean." I rolled my eyes - as far as insults went, I could live with 'clean'. "I have standards," I huffed. "I've long since left behind the affectations of fauxhemian living. Why drink cider when I can afford champagne?" His eyes glinted mischievously, "You know, that sort of snobbery is the breath of fresh air the internet needs." I smirked. "What, should I photograph you wearing designer clothes, smoking Sobranies in my bathtub surrounded by empty bottles of Dom Perignon?" Before I even finished my sentence I already knew that this was going to happen. "I need to start a blog. A parody of her photography. The 'Live Fast Die Young' lifestyle - but with class." He let out an overdramatic squeal, waving his hands: "Jasiminne! That's MAJOR. You HAVE to do it. What are you going to name your blog?!"

I took a deep breath, paused, and exhaled for effect.

"Posh, Broke, & Bored."

And so it began. I dusted the years of neglect off my Canon 450D and sent some texts to a few of the most photogenic acquaintances in my contacts list with the tantalising opener: "Hey babes, can I shoot you?" They came. Wearing Margiela and Acne they played dressed up with my military accessories collection while smoking my Sobranies and sipping my Cristal. My camera flash fired as I coaxed poses of them languidly draped across and over my furniture, or if we were feeling particularly adventurous - throwing shapes around London by night. Snap. Upload. Blog. The hits trickled in, slowly but steadily, mostly from our curious contemporaries who wanted to see: "What's that Jasiminne done this time?"

"But youth is fleeting, and reckless youth even more so..."

But youth is fleeting, and reckless youth even more so. One by one, 'The Beautiful And The Damned' moved on to greener pastures, some literally back to the rolling countryside they left for the bright lights of the city that chewed up and spat them out, others retiring the Shoreditch club scene for more upscale parties in cleaner parts of town - like yours truly who hung up her Doc Martens and headed West. Nights of raving in East London warehouses were replaced by evenings in members clubs in Mayfair. Still my camera followed, and these shinier new parties were documented, making their way on to my blog. My motley crew disbanded, I then moved in new circles - and people noticed. Posh, Broke, & Bored attracted new readers; some curious about what they perceived to be a glimpse into a world outside their reach, others simply enjoying the chance to be indignant at the impudence of this glossy upstart who dared to play with irony (posh and broke? Well, I never!). My growing traffic caught the eyes of companies and brands who wanted in on the action, and the invitations rolled in - come review this, won't you attend that, will you wear/use and promote this and that?

"My blog had gone from satire to earnest documentary."

I had gone from the realm of satire to that of earnest documentation, although said documented lifestyle was practically a caricature of what it meant to be young and well-connected in London. What started as a parody of a photography blog had become a somewhat self-aware commentary on the ridiculousness of being young, social, and with more resources than the average 20-something year old. People started asking me questions, "What would a three-course meal in that restaurant set me back?""How can I get into so-and-so nightclub?" So, the lifestyle stories started to come with instructions. Price guides. Directions and maps. I bought a better camera. I learnt some basic HTML and applied my graphic design degree to my blog layout. An agency signed me on as a blogger, a talent manager was assigned to handle my emails, and I got paid to do what I was already doing. Somewhere along the line, a bored art school graduate's hobby blog became a business yet always remained very much a labour of love. I haven't spoken to my 'party friends' from my East London club kid days in years. I don't know if they read or have even heard about my blog. But if they ever do see what Posh, Broke, & Bored has since become, I'd imagine they would chuckle and say: "Trust that Jasiminne to take a practical joke and turn it into an enterprise."

Do you blog? How did your blog come to be?

Have you ever started a running joke, then

turned it into something else entirely?

Share your 'origin story' with me!

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THE PHOTOS IN THIS POST ARE FROM THE ARCHIVES OF WHAT

POSH, BROKE, & BORED USED TO BE. MAY IT REST IN PEACE.

THE (ART) HOUSE THAT MIU MIU BUILT: THE NEW MILAN VENUE OF FONDAZIONE PRADA

I've never seen anything (or referencing any) of Miuccia Prada's work I didn't like; be it the infamous roman-à-clef that gave us this gem, that Kreayshawn diss, the Miu Miu baroque heels 'that got away' (which I still beat myself up over), and of course the ever reinvented handbag classic - the Saffiano. The saying goes: "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" so when I was in Milan last weekend, I had to pay my respects at the new permanent venue of the contemporary art and culture institution co-chaired by Miuccia Prada and her husband Patrizio Bertelli - FONDAZIONE PRADA, or as I like to call it 'the culture factory' and 'the art house that Miu Miu (Signora's nickname) built'.

The year-old arts centre - the venue was unveiled in May 2015 - is a ten-building landmark rising from the stark landscape of an industrial zone south of the city centre, transformed from a century-old distillery for Fondazione Prada. The crown jewel of the Milan venue is the 'HAUNTED HOUSE' gilded in 24-carat gold leaf dedicated to a permanent exhibition by Robert Gober and Louise Borgeois. Elsewhere in the vast 205,000 square ft compound is a cinema camouflaged by mirrors and of course the cafe designed by Wes Anderson, BAR LUCE.

The Haunted House is coated entirely in 24k gold leaf, an apparently 'economical' design choice. Really? Either way, there's no missing it: Fondazione Prada sticks out like a golden thumb among its barren industrial surroundings. Talk about gilding the lily...

“While I do think it would make a pretty good movie set, I think it would be an even better place to write a movie. I tried to make it a bar I would want to spend my own non-fictional afternoons in.” WES ANDERSON

Fans of the director's distinct visual style would swoon for Bar Luce. From the Steve Zissou-themed pinball machines to the Anderson-grade green Formica, this pastel paradise is the director's aesthetic come to life. Bar Luce was designed by Wes Anderson in the style of the old Milanese cafes and inspired by by two films from the golden age of Italian cinema (Miracolo a Milano, 1951 and Rocco e i Suoi Fratelli, 1960). Bar Luce also references Anderson’s own work, with the same green Formica tabletops from his short Castello Cavalcanti. Movie meta.

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KIENHOLZ: FIVE CAR STUD - TABLEAUS OF ABJECT SUFFERING

Today's art-viewing public was almost nearly spared the nightmarish tableau of Five Car Stud, a life-sized reproduction of a scene of racial violence created by American artist Edward Kienholz from 1969 to 1972. Five Car Stud only resurfaced in 2012, following restoration from being stowed away by a Japanese collector for almost forty years. Currently, the controversial piece is part of the Prada Collection, making its Italian debut in an exhibition of tableaux, installations, and sculptures by Ed and Nancy Kienholz. KIENHOLZ: FIVE CAR STUD is a reaction against the glossy narcissism of other art movements of its time including Abstract Expressionism, rather, Keinholz's work is a spotlight on "the meanness and tragedy of life, its conditions of loneliness and triviality...in which the wasted and the dirty, the depraved and the filthy represented a new and surprising beauty: a feeling or perceiving that stupefies and excites, impresses and sickens, but never leaves you indifferent.”

The piece that grabbed me by the throat (and not just because of its pungent odour) was The Caddy Court - created in the year I was born no less: 1986 - a grotesque and macabre representation of American Supreme Court justices panelled by a jury of rotting taxidermied animals inside a musty, decaying Cadillac.

KIENHOLZ: FIVE CAR STUD - UNTIL 31 DECEMBER 2016

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If (like I did) you find yourself short of time to explore Fondazione Prada, I highly recommend devoting your limited time to THE HAUNTED HOUSE. The six (or was it five?) story building, once part of the original distillery complex, is a gothic contradiction: at once claustrophobic (the stairs are steep, the rooms narrow) yet filled with solitude (no doubt for the light and seemingly never ending external urban landscape streaming in from the large windows), melancholy yet hopeful. There's a real sense of seclusion - the many small rooms of THE HAUNTED HOUSE see that visitors find themselves at most, a few at a time, observing each of the many works by the late Louise Bourgeois and Robert Gober. Dislocated body parts by Gober - expressing sexuality, relationships, nature, politics, and religion - make for an eerie journey as one climbs the building, eventually ending on a surprisingly serene note: a beating heart in an drain on the top floor. The unsettling yet beautiful atmosphere is mirrored by Bourgeois's two contributions: LOUISE BOURGEOIS'S CELL (CLOTHES) and SINGLE III.

LOUISE BOURGEOIS'S CELL (CLOTHES) (1996) - Louise Bourgeois

SINGLE III (1996) - Louise Bourgeois

Title and year unknown, Robert Gober

For lovers of contemporary art and architecture Fondazione Prada is simply unmissable. Even Bar Luce alone is worth the trek for fans of Wes Anderson, and although the cafe is accessible to the public, admission to Fondazione Prada is just €10, which is absolutely value for money when you consider that there are ten buildings of cinema, sculpture, and so much more. I daresay that its a no-brainer over paying €39 to see The Last Supper (as I said to Luxy, for that price they better let me lick the damn painting...) That said, Fondazione Prada is a tad out of the way especially if you're staying in the city centre so I highly recommend getting a taxi there and back - for those in a hurry, Uber is a Godsend. Ciao!

FONDAZIONE PRADA • Largo Isarco, 2, 20139 Milano

PHOTO CREDITS: 3, 4, 9, & 10 AND 27 & 28

A date in Mayfair, London: The Royal Academy Summer Exhibition 2016 Blogger's Evening, dinner and drinks at The Wolseley and Sake No Hana.

A BLOCKBUSTER DATE NIGHT IN MAYFAIR THAT STARTED AT

THE ROYAL ACADEMY SUMMER EXHIBITION 2016

Call me the Alexander Petrovsky of date night. And before any of you shake your fists at me with cries of Team Aidan! or Team Big! (Team Berger? No? Darn right, he was a real wet towel), hear this Sex And The City-binge-watching-sister out. So maybe I'm neither composing 'Ick!'-inducing love songs on my grand piano* nor waltzing in couture** at the local Maccy D's, but if you want me to show you a good time you gotta get your art on (and get to grips with chopsticks - you'll see why in a bit). And as far as London art exhibitions go, it doesn't get bigger than the annual Royal Academy Summer Exhibition. Every year, this world-class institution of art hosts its legendary open-submission summer show, with an eye-watering exhibit of over a thousand works within the Palladian-mansion walls of Burlington House. Because either you go big or you go home. Jack Berger, I'm talking to you...

#RASUMMER

*but I did compose a painting for my intended...
**although I was wearing Valentino, does that count?

Greeting you in the Central Hall at the start of this year's Summer Exhibition is a neon piece by Tim Noble & Sue Webster, FOREVER (YELLOW) - yours for a cool £135,000. Sculpture, photography, and paintings jostle for position in this vast collection of work from both established and up-and-coming artists. A first time exhibitor at the Summer Exhibition is certain to find themselves beside the likes of Anish Kapoor or Grayson Perry. In a well-intended move, the Royal Academy doesn't label the exhibited works with the artists' names so as not to let 'branding' get in the way of appreciating the work for what it is - you have to look up the number beside a piece and reference it against what they call 'the Bible', a pocket-sized book listing the who, what, and how much. Of course, certain artists' works are so distinctive that they're instantly recognisable, like this year's massive contribution from Gilbert & George. Marina Abramovic and Zaha Hadid also put in an appearance at this year's show.

Yinka Shonibare BALLOON MAN

OH ART, YOU SO FUNNY

God, the art world cracks me up. This behind the scenes anecdote takes the cake - during the selection process, the panel went crazy for a sculpture: this slab of stone with a stained best described as though 'something had died on it'. Naturally, the sculpture made the cut for that year's Summer Exhibition. Then the artist showed up, took a look at the slab and said..."Where's the rest of it?!" Turns out, the slab was only the plinth that the work was standing on. The actual piece had broken off during sorting. Hilariously, the actual sculpture itself was judged separately...and rejected. Yet the grubby stained plinth it broke off from ended up being exhibited. If that story isn't the epitome of the ridiculousness of contemporary art, I don't know what is.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the madness behind the magic. There's the mysterious 'beef tea' the RA Summer Exhibition committee drink during the eight-day hanging of the work and the tradition of 'Varnishing Day' - a steel band procession down Piccadilly to St. James’s church where the exhibiting artists are blessed.

Further reading:
NINE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE SUMMER EXHIBITION - The Royal Academy of Arts blog

Larger than life: A carbon fibre sculpture by Heather and Ivan Morison Fabric 'WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET, PLEASE' looms over the Sipsmith gin bar in Gallery III, and below, Gilbert & George's BEARD AWARE spans an entire wall in Gallery II.

I was especially drawn to Doug Aitken I THINK ONE DAY I’LL SLIP AWAY for its quiet serenity and the implied solitude in travel.

I was lucky enough to catch the Royal Academy choir perform a hauntingly beautiful rendition of Moon River on the grand staircase (my date said it was the best choir cover he'd heard). Originally, the choir had planned to sing outside in the courtyard but typically unpredictable British weather had moved them inside, only for the sun to come out again once the singing started. I thought it was serendipitous - the acoustics of Burlington House and the intimacy of the Royal Academy lent the performance a certain coziness.

I must say I found this year's offerings at the Summer Exhibition not as exciting as previous years' shows. I usually find myself wanting to buy at least a dozen pieces, but this year there were only four works that grabbed me: Doug Aitken I THINK ONE DAY I’LL SLIP AWAY, Pierre et Gilles MARIE ANTOINETTE, THE QUEEN'S HAMLET (a portrait of controversial la scandaleuse Zahia Dehar), Guler Ates WING OF YELLOW, and The Singh Twins LONDON'S BURNING: READ ALL ABOUT IT. That said, with over 1,200 works on show there is bound to be something for everyone. I attended the show as press, but the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition is free to the public so there really isn't any excuse to head down to Burlington House for what is one of the world's biggest contemporary art events.

After our visit to the Royal Academy Summer Exhibition (but not before my date was accosted in the courtyard by a 'very angry woman' who had a lot to say about the show and decided that a complete stranger would be interested in her strong opinions) we crossed the street to The Wolseley for cocktails then down St James's Street for dinner at Sake No Hana. The sakura menu at Sake No Hana may have gone but the sashimi and sushi is ever outstanding, one of the best in London. The Wolseley is practically a London institution, not just for afternoon tea and breakfast but also good for an aperitif. Both Sake No Hana and The Wolseley are literally footsteps away from the Royal Academy, so all three make the perfect destinations for she who doesn't want to ruin her brand new Rockstuds (ahem). Go on, make it a Mayfair date...

ROYAL ACADEMY OF ARTS

BURLINGTON HOUSE, LONDON W1J0BD

THE WOLSELEY

160 PICCADILLY, LONDON W1J 9EB

SAKE NO HANA

23 ST JAMES'S ST, LONDON SW1A 1HA

Stay at Palazzo Parigi, dine beside the Duomo of Milan at Obicà Mozzarella Bar and Terrazza Aperol, shop for Valentino and at Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, take in art & culture at Fondazione Prada, eat at Il Salumaio and Bar Luce, then party at Bar Martini by Dolce & Gabbana AND Cavalli Club.

Ciao, darling! Have you got a minute, or rather 1400 minutes to spare in Milan? Si? Molto bene! With the summer sun shining upon us, 'tis the season for European city breaks: be it a Baltic tour of Riga-Helsinki-Tallinn or London-Paris-Rome or Amsterdam-Berlin-Lisbon; pick n' mix, make it your own. Take advantage of the continent's proximity (and homogenous currency) yet incredibly diverse culture by embarking on what I call the 'Euro Express' - the perfect 'short but sweet' holidays for the eager beaver on a time-budget. I've written Brussels Express and Edinburgh Express city guides, and now it's time for How To Do Milan in 24 Hours.
Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines...

PHOTOGRAPHY & WORDS BY JASIMINNE YIP. ALL PHOTOS OF ME BY CATHERINE LUX. ADDITIONAL PHOTO CREDITS: 2 & 3, 4, 29 & 30, 35 & 36

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8:00am

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Buongiorno, baby! No doubt you're a bit bleary-eyed from waking up at the crack of dawn to take the early flight into Milan Linate (Easyjet flies from London Gatwick several times a day, from £30) but you've made the right choice: Linate airport is closer to the city centre - a mere 30 mintues away by taxi. Time is money.

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10:00am - 12:30pm

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It's a tad early to check in at your hotel, so drop your bags off at Palazzo Parigi and freshen up at the spa on the third floor. It's a shame your trip is too short to stay in and enjoy this elegant 5-star hotel, but you're perfectly placed to enjoy Milan - Palazzo Parigi is in the heart of the fashion district and only a 15 minute walk from the Duomo. More than just the bright and cozy rooms, majestic interiors, luxurious terrace, and decadent Grand Spa, convenience and location is the real luxury here.

Immerse yourself in the Italian way of life (food) and do it in style - tuck into pasta and prosecco at fashion industry favourite Il Salumaio di Montenapoleone. The setting couldn't be more Milanese: an ivy-covered courtyard surrounded by streets paved with designer brands (Gucci, Pucci, and Valentino, oh my!), models and mortals mingling over to-die-for burrata and basil...darling, you've arrived.

Ciao Milano! How To Do Milan in 24 Hours: Stay at Palazzo Parigi, dine beside the Duomo of Milan at Obicà Mozzarella Bar and Terrazza Aperol, shop for Valentino and at Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, take in art & culture at Fondazione Prada, eat at Il Salumaio and Bar Luce, then party at Bar Martini by Dolce & Gabbana AND Cavalli Club.

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01:00pm

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A hop, skip, and a jump away is the iconic Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II. The four-story double arcade, designed in the late 19th century is one of the world's oldest shopping malls and named after Vittorio Emanuele II, the first king of the Kingdom of Italy. Nicknamed 'il salotto di Milano' - Milan's drawing room - for its significance as a central Milanese meeting and dining place, the Galleria is famous for its luxury retailers, some of the oldest shops and restaurants in Milan, and hilariously, preventing McDonald's from renewing its 20-year tenancy in 2012 - instead replacing the fast-food giant with the gallery's second Prada store. Priorities, people.

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01:30pm

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Once you're free from the filigree, exit the temple of consumerism that is the Galleria and find yourself face to face with a different place of worship - the Duomo di Milano. The Milan Cathedral, dedicated to St Mary of the Nativity is the seat of the Archbishop of Milan. The Gothic cathedral, arguably the most distinctive landmark of the city, took nearly six centuries to complete and it shows: it's the second largest church in Italy (after St. Peter's Basilica in Rome) and the third largest in the world. Avoid the peddlars who will accost you every ten seconds to try to sell you corn kernels to feed the birds. Then there's also the crowds jostling for selfies, which of course you're a proud part of. Unless you're a devout Catholic, it's enough for the average tourist to just appreciate the cathedral from the outside, or better yet...

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02:00pm
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RAISE THE BAR AT TERRAZZA APEROL

...from Terrazza Aperol. This restaurant-cafe in the Piazza Duomo (accessible by escalator from the street level) may seem obvious, what with its neon-orange colour scheme and sickly-sweet florescent cocktails but you're really there for the view: a balcony with an unfettered view of the Duomo. Nibble on
Terrazza Aperol's signature bag of chips and their tapas-inspired gourmet snacks, and channel your inner Dustin Hoffman and order the Aperol Spritz: 3 parts Prosecco, 2 parts Aperol, and 1 splash of seltz or soda.

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TRAVEL TIP You'll go far in Italy if you make the effort to learn these phrases: Boungiorno (good day), ciao (hello/goodbye), grazie (thank you), per favore (please), il conto per favore (the bill, please). Cazzo and vaffanculo! too, depending on the situation...

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03:00pm

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Walk it off, you lush. I'm not an advocate of drunk-shopping (actually, yes I am) but when in Milan, shop as the Milanese do. On your way back to check in at the hotel, drop into Valentino at Via Monte Napoleone and pick up some treats for your feet. At about €730 a pop, the Rockstud sandals are about £100 cheaper than in the UK, so really, you're not only contributing to the local economy - you're also saving money. Win-win.

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04:30pm

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FONDAZIONE PRADA

You've had your fill of food and fashion, now it's time for some art and culture. Disregard Sforza Castle and The Last Supper - both relics will be there for all eternity and you've only got a brief time in Milan. This trip is all about the contemporary, and Fondazione Prada is the destination for contemporary architecture, art, and cinema. Take a taxi to Largo Isarco - an industrial zone south of the city centre - where you'll find a vast complex of ten buildings housing, among other things, a cinema camouflaged by mirrors and a 24-carat gold leaf 'Haunted House' hosting a permanent exhibition by Robert Gober and Louise Borgeois. Afterward, pop into the cafe designed by Wes Anderson, Bar Luce, and lose yourself in a reverie of pastels and movie references.

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FURTHER READING CIAO MILANO! FONDAZIONE PRADA, MILAN

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06:30pm

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If you want a snapshot of yourself with a piece of ancient history, look no further than the prominent Roman ruins of Colonne di San Lorenzo. Hop into a taxi and take the 6 minute drive to the Basilica of San Lorenzo where you'll find the colonnade - a perfectly imperfect row of 16 corinthian columns. The columns were believed to be taken from a 2nd century pagan temple or public bath house structure and
moved to the church square in the 4th century. How's that for cultural appropriation? Makes one feel so much better about using historical monuments as photographic backdrops of vainglory...

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TRAVEL TIP Surprisingly, Uber cars in Milan are more expensive. The app may be terribly convenient for getting back from locations off the beaten track, but if you're in the city centre or busy area, try to take a local taxi if you can. Or try and hitch a ride in one of these vintage cars (below), spotted during a Fiat rally...

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08:00pm

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DESTINATION DINING BY THE DUOMO

Well, haven't you been a busy bee? You must be absolutely ravenous and ready to put your feet up. Get thee to Obicà. The Duomo branch of Obicà Mozzarella Bar is best described as 'destination dining' where you eat on the outdoor terrace with an unbeatable view of the Duomo. For a restaurant right in the heart of tourist central, the food is surprisingly delicious and good value, with a mixed clientele of locals and internationals. The mozzarella and burrata selections are fantastic, as is the wine list. But really, you're here for the view - watch the sun set over the Milanese skyline while you dine.

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TRAVEL TIP It can get a tad chilly on the terrace (even in summer) so bring a blazer to keep warm, look sharp and conceal your 'carb baby'.

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09:30pm
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Take a post-dinner stroll downstairs and pause to appreciate how different the cathedral looks by night. The Duomo is lit up, making this gothic glory look even more dramatic and imposing. Should you have time in the morning and wish to see more of the cathedral that is so central to Milanese life, there are lots of cultural activities at the Duomo. This summer's line up includes music, film, and photography - from a documentary showing of L’infinita Fabbrica del Duomo to an exhibition of historic photographs offering glimpses into the city from the 1900s to modern day Milan.

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TRAVEL TIP Watch out for the 'stringmen' who will try to drape a woven bracelet (really just a bit of string) on your wrist then suddenly a hefty payment for the merchandise. If accosted, just brush the string off your wrist and march steadily on.

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10:00pm

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Did you think you were going to go to bed? Not a chance. It's time to hit up Bar Martini by Dolce & Gabbana for a cocktail (or three). The Dolce & Gabbana boutique on 'fashion street' Corso Venezia leads to a glossy-black space with an accent of colour from the blood-red dragon rising from the tiles of the floor. Through this impossibly glamorous entrance is an intimate conservatory-style lounge - Bar Martini - the perfect pregame spot for Martini cocktails before a stylish night out in the fashion capital of Italy.

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12:00am

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An Armani Hotel, a Dolce & Gabbana bar, and now a nightclub by Roberto Cavalli...it seems like every Italian fashion label wants in on the lifestyle pie. And what a pie the Cavalli Club should be, at least in theory. It's got all the right ingredients: a gourmet restaurant and nightclub with a terrace and an observation tower located in Sempione Park, central Milan.

But add a dash of Eurotrash plus that oh-so-familiar formula of pink-purple lighting and generic Top 40 chart hits, and what you get is your typical sweat fest of men trying their luck when all you want to do is dance with your girl + more than a few not-especially-stylish randoms (a lady was wearing a velour tracksuit for goodness sake. Hello, Paris Hilton circa 2002 called, she wants her uniform back). The only upside (or downside, depending on how you feel) about bumping uglies with the lot is that you can smoke while dancing which is essentially time travelling to ten years ago + a drink ticket for the entrance fee of €30. That said, the whole experience was a vaguely amusing novelty, so if you fancy it you can find Cavalli Club at Via Luigi Camoens.

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02:00am

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Now you can call it a day. Hail a cab from the club back to Palazzo Parigi and sink into your fluffy marshmallow of a hotel bed. If you've booked an afternoon flight back you might even have time for a pampering session at the Grand Spa, but if its an early flight never fear, sleep is for the weak. Arrivederci, Milano!

NEXT STOP: BARCELONA!

WHAT DOES BREXIT MEAN FOR THIS PRO-EU LONDONER,

IMMIGRANT, AND TRAVELLING BLOGGER?

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24 June 2016. Shoreditch, East London. It felt like the end was nigh. The excessively sultry sun that bathed the city felt ironic, vulgar, and outright mocking me and most of my contemporaries (young, educated, upper middle-class, and many of them European) who had voted for the UK to Remain. In my pocket of the East End - itself part of an ethnically diverse borough - the shock and despair was palpable. For Bremainers, Friday morning felt like waking up after a breakup of Adele proportions (no award-winning revenge song in sight, but with 27 burnt bridges). We were rolling in the deep, deep sh*t.

“…The younger generation has lost the right to live and work in 27 other countries. We will never know the full extent of the lost opportunities, friendships, marriages, and experiences we will be denied. Freedom of movement was taken away by our parents, uncles, and grandparents in a parting blow to a generation that was already drowning in the debts of our predecessors.” NICHOLAS, FINANCIAL TIMES

Disbelief. Fear. Betrayal. Blame. For the 48.1% that voted to stay, the rollercoaster ride of emotions following the immediate aftermath of the EU Referendum had all the makings of a 19th century opera. Across the nation, over 16 million hearts broke to the tunes of humorously fitting songs aired on radio: The Clash - Should I Stay or Should I Go was my personal favourite. Predictably, the internet rose spectacularly to the occasion with Twitter reactions, Tumblr posts, and memes. Facebook feeds were flooded with posts of outrage and disappointment. The air, thick with tension, was occasionally sliced with shouts of "F*ck Brexit!" or "F*ck the EU!" Not since the last Malaysian General Election had I seen my peers take such an interest in politics. And of course they would - the younger voters were the ones who would have to live with the consequences of Britain leaving the European Union. A widespread reaction to the results was that nobody over 65 should have been allowed to vote on the referendum because they wouldn't be alive long enough for it to be their problem. The young 'uns felt betrayed by the very same generation that fought in WWII for their liberty. Some feared that the impending Brexit was indicative of nationalism - already, Eastern European acquaintances and my local Italian barman had been shouted at "to go back to where (they) came from". Many of my European friends who had come to the UK to live and work panicked, fearing deportation in the face of uncertainty and contradictory promises from Leave. For the young and the foreign, the horsemen of the apocalypse hath cometh: It was the Brex't of times, it was the worst of times.

MY INITIAL REACTIONS TO BREXIT, AND IT'S RAMIFICATIONS
FOR ME AS AN IMMIGRANT & TRAVELLING BLOGGER IN LONDON:

1. Hello, my British friends! Welcome to the “Other Passports" queue, we’ve been expecting EU! Not having a European Union passport made no damned difference to me at passport control (it was only by the grace of Fast Track invitations that I could hold my own at a 'Border Control race' between me and my European/British travel companions)...until British passports issued pre-referendum expire. By then, expect the "All Other Passports" lane to swell with red-faced, tan-lined, flip-flop wearing sweaty blancmanges straight off their EasyJet flights from Malaga.

2. Bloody fan-f*cking-tastic, now I'm stuck with the very real possibility of Boris Johnson for PM and that great greasy racist Farage as deputy. And if Trump becomes the President, God help us all. Imagine the circle jerk between the three of them! That's it - if that happens, I'm moving to Russia. In all seriousness, to all voting-age Americans who were optimistic and/or idealistic enough to think that there was no way Brexit would've happened, learn from the naivety: that tiny fingered, cheeto-faced, ferret wearing sh*tgibbon can and will become your Overlord if you take your vote for granted.

2.5 On that note, despite this Commonwealth citizen applying for a poling card, I can't believe I never received one. I am quite bloody certain that I am eligible to vote on the EU Referendum, at least according to principle. I'm not only a descendent of one of the Empire's former colonies (well, I guess if we didn't want to be 'civilised' we shouldn't have natural resources) but I'm also a taxpayer who's lived in and contributed to the UK for TEN years! Don't I have a say in this?

3. Bad enough that the Brexit panic has wiped $2 trillion off the world markets, the pound being at its lowest in 30 years, and my spending power when I travel abroad decreasing, I also foresee the worth of my UK assets, including property, plummeting. Excellent. On the plus side, this is a good time to buy British pounds with my Malaysian Ringgit...

4. As a Malaysian, I came here on the same points-based system that Australia uses, so thankfully my immigration status is unaffected - for now. But now that the far right have been legitimised and the dialogue for nationalism has opened , what next? "Immi-gants, I knew it was them! Even when it was the bears, I knew it was them!" An acquaintance cried: "This is exactly how World War II started - with nationalism, xenophobia, and a ruined economy! They'll be coming for you next! They'll seize your property! Who knows when they'll start rounding up people and putting them into concentration camps! Then civil war will break out! Then World War III! At least you have a place to go. At least when you get deported, you can return to Malaysia and lord it up over there. I have nowhere to go! I'm stuck in Britain! I'm screwed!" Said acquaintance is prone to hysterics and theatrics, but in his defence, his fantasy isn't entirely not plausible.

"I want to send a clear message to every European resident living in London - you are very welcome here. As a city, we are grateful for the enormous contribution you make, and that will not change as a result of this referendum. There are nearly one million European citizens living in London today, and they bring huge benefits to our city - working hard, paying taxes, working in our public services and contributing to our civic and cultural life. We all have a responsibility to now seek to heal the divisions that have emerged throughout this campaign - and to focus on what unites us, rather than that which divides us."SADIQ KHAN

5. I have always believed that London is the world's true metropolis: founded by the Romans, conquered by Saxons and Normans; developed as a commercial centre by Italian, Flemish and Baltic traders, attracting a melting pot of nationalities from the French Huguenots to the Moors. My borough is one where Cockneys and Desis live jowl to cheek, if not with acceptance then at least with a degree of tolerance. This very diversity, multiculturalism, and open-mindedness is what drew me from Malaysia to London in the first place. Sadiq Khan's compassionate message embodies the accepting attitude of London, and for that, he has earned even more of my respect. I am incredibly grateful that he is the Mayor of London.

NOW BLOODY WHAT?

So far, nearly 3 million are pinning their hopes on this petition for a second referendum. Unfortunately, with most signatures are coming from areas that voted Remain as opposed to Leave voters with Regret-xit - it's beginning to look like we have a better chance of establishing London as a separatist state, joining forces with an independent Scotland to form SCOTLOND, so...not very likely. Americans, now's a good time for you to visit the UK, while the pound is weak.

I don't know what words of comfort I can offer to my European friends whose prospects are overcast with doubt and uncertainty. I'd like to think that all EU citizens who immigrated pre-referendum will be granted automatic indefinite leave to remain (I hasten to say 'granted amnesty' because an amnesty implies a pardon, and no crime was committed in their being here) but nothing is certain. Honestly, even though my right to remain in the UK looks comparably stable, I'm worried that Brexit has opened a can of worms which may threaten to destabilise my immigration status in the future. And what if the UK does change their mind and comes crawling back, begging to rejoin to the EU? Oh, the blackmail! Oh, the humiliation, oh the imposed conditions! The damage has been done. I wonder if the Brexiters get to keep their holiday homes in Spain? Will their friends living it up in Portugal will be deported? Frankly, my dears, I'm beginning to not give a damn. Call it Referendum weariness or exhaustion from venting my feelings in writing this post or just plain disappointment, but I'm so very tired and depressed. Maybe it's time for me to pack up and come home to the Shire...

The price of immigration and settling in the UK, inspired by this month's Travel Blogger linkup: Home Away From Home.

THE PRICE OF LOVE: I'M GROUNDED IN GREAT BRITAIN FOR HALF A YEAR 😱

A TRAVELLING BLOGGER'S WINGS CLIPPED, FOR HER HOME AWAY FROM HOME

INSPIRED BY THIS MONTH'S TRAVEL BLOGGER LINKUP • OPENING PHOTO BY FRESH AND FEARLESS

Of all the many unsolicited opinions offered to me by presumptuous strangers and acquaintances, I most frequently get: "Check yo damn privilege". To which I retort, "We are all fighting our own demons, so don't be a d*ck."Isn't it astonishing how the politics of envy justifies its existence with the reasoning: the other half are leading the life I want, therefore they're not entitled to the basic human right of wanting more, or God forbid, expressing dissatisfaction? Count your blessings and you're bragging, lament your lackings and you're ungrateful: you're damned if you, damned if you don't. Winning the genetic/talent/birth lottery aside, we are all the same - if you cut me, do I not bleed (blue blood)? Of course our struggles differ: while I don't have to worry about the more common issues like getting a foot on the property ladder or straightening my hair everyday, the fact is - everybody makes sacrifices for the things, people, and places they love. I am no exception, and so, inspired by this month's travel blogger linkup on 'home away from home' I have decided to announce my choice to surrender my passport for half a year, all in the name of love.

I speak of course, of my love for the world's greatest metropolis - London. Was it only ten years ago that this sheltered 19 year old traded her ingenue for independence and moved across the world from Kuala Lumpur to London, leaving behind a life of cosseted luxury for a brave new world of night buses and psychotic landlords? My story is a modern classic in the tradition of Carrie Bradshaw: small-town girl moves to the big city; is mesmerised by the bright lights, brands, and the life-changing discovery that you can get oysters and truffles at three in the morning; and stays for the Cosmopolitans, the Manolos, and the prospect of finding "Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."

Men come and go, but London reigns eternal. Though many would opine that their relationship with this city is somewhat abusive (£17.20 for a daily Travelcard, you wot m8?) I have always defended my lover. New York City may have her bagels and High Line, Paris may have her couture and Colette, but I truly, madly, deeply believe that London is the real deal: a true metropolis city, the greatness of which is built on the back of its diverse inhabitants. Not even the post-Brexit hate crimes towards her foreign population will change that - rather, Londoners have risen to the challenge by fighting hatred with love and acceptance.

FREE ART & CULTURE. THE NHS. A CULINARY SMORGASBORD. FOREIGN FITTIES GALORE. 😍

These are just four reasons to love London - although I'm not chuffed about waiting 5 hours to find out: "pimple, or boil?". I doubt its the irresistible allure of the famously fickle (read: four seasons in one day) weather that draws bright, ambitious, and inexorably good-looking young people to this financial and cultural hub. It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight - and what an arena: a backdrop of Georgian architecture and glossy skyscrapers on which the city showcases its culinary and cultural diversity, many of the latter free to peruse. London is a city for the bold and the brave - she who dares, wins. And so I've dared and endured in the pursuit of education and life experience.

Where else can you do your late night Christmas shopping at Christie's, dine on Peruvian-Japanese fusion food 40 floors in the sky,

waltz with royals and dinosaurs, and rock out to Wainwright and Wagner in the same venue?

HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO FOR LOVE?

Sadly, it seems like my love is one-sided, at least where immigration is concerned. Making roots in the UK is next to impossible for almost everyone outside of the European Union, and even for them this freedom of movement is now looking uncertain*. I've blogged about my understanding on how migrants can settle in the UK, and short of seeking asylum there are only three ways - each with their own options, and their own unique set of challenges. Long story short, I've been in Britain for ten years: the first 3 on a student visa, the fourth and fifth on a post-grad visa, and the last 5 on a Tier 1 visa.

*I never thought I'd live the day to see my immigration status in the UK to be more secure than those from the European Union...what strange times we live in.

Five years of graft and I've more than paid my dues, proving how deep is my love, is my love? Finally, the city and the country that I've contributed so much too has reciprocated: this fall, I'm up for indefinite right to remain. It's not the same as being a naturalised citizen, because Malaysia is a jealous wife and would rip up my passport if I dared to go polygamous, so...mistress it is.

THE PRICE TO PAY...

Again, more conditional love. I have to sit tight for six months while the Home Office plan my welcome party. During that time I can't leave the UK, so my trips to Iceland in December and Malaysia for Chinese New Year have been cancelled. It's a cross to bear for someone who loves to travel. But with so much of beautiful Britain to explore, I'm sure I can find ways to keep the wanderlust at bay. In the meantime; trips to Croatia, Barcelona again, maybe Switzerland, and Malaysia are in the works, because this #travelblogger needs a fix to tide her over 'till she becomes, finally, a true Londoner.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A 'HOME AWAY FROM HOME' YOU WERE WILLING TO MAKE SACRIFICES FOR?

IF GIVING UP MY #TRAVELBLOGGER LIFESTYLE FOR HALF A YEAR ISN'T LOVE, THEN WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE...

¡Hola from the other side! 🙋🏻 You may have seen from last week's Spanish shenanigans on Snapchat that Barcelona was the straw that broke this camel's back. Yep, this photography snob (you know, the one who bought a wifi-enabled DSLR because she refuses to Instagram any pictures taken on a smartphone) finally shook off her prejudice - "Isn't that the web-a-ma-thingy for sending noodz?" - and got down with the kids, probably by way of pre-30th birthday existential crisis. Anyway, apparently I took to the app like a duck to water because all my Canon 6D has to show from five days in Barcelona is 19 publishable photos, yet my Snapchat feed was a constant flow of comical voiceovers and regrettable singing, questionable use of the dog filter, and highly inappropriate skin shots punctuated by the occasional 🌞💃🏻🍷🇪🇸 .

Snapchat: @poshbrokebored

It wasn't all tapas and twattery. Despite the crushing temperature and the ever-present distraction of a certain set of abs you could slice chorizo on, I did manage to visit most of the attractions and restaurants I sought out to see in Barcelona. Somehow, in spite of heat exhaustion, I managed to retain 15 facts to know about visiting Barcelona in the summer, which I'll share at the end of this post after I treat you to a charcuterie-style board of actual photography accompanied by my usual useful spiel. Because shiny new filters aside, no amount of Face Swap hilarity is substitute for good ol' fashion travel content...

PHOTOGRAPHY & EDIT BY POSH, BROKE, & BORED

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Seek refuge from the ramblings of La Rambla. When the boulevard thick with street artists and tourist-pandering paella places gets too much, duck into slightly-less busy but somehow much more serene Plaça Reial. With its Gaudi-designed lanterns (left) and palms swaying in the summer breeze; the square is an oasis of canary-yellow calm. A 5 minute walk away is the only restaurant you should eat at La Rambla: the oldest-surviving restaurant in Catalonia, Can Culleretes. Expect a small queue to form before the restaurant opens at 9pm. Order the seafood platter (a house special) of shellfish, prawns, and fish for €30.

STRAIGHT OUT OF A SLIM AARONS SCENE

Barceloneta and Sant Sebastià beaches are best enjoyed from the comfortable distance and
vantage point of WET® pool terrace, only stepping down occasionally to feel the sand between your toes.
Non-guests can appreciate the stunning vistas of the city coastline and Mediterranean from the hotel restaurants:
SALT for the ultimate burger by the beach experience, and BRAVO24 for traditional tapas and modern interpretations.

W BARCELONA • Plaça de la Rosa dels Vents, 1, 08039

FREE SUNDAYS: Some of Barcelona's museums are free on the first Sunday of every month

The MNAC - Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya is free every Saturday after 3pm, and puts on gorgeous light shows on Summer evenings.

...and just around the verdant corner...

Local legend Quimet Y Quimet is a hole-in-the-wall, standing room-only tapas joint. For over 100 years, Barcelona's busiest tapas bar has served punters from the counter to the queues that spill out onto the street of del Poeta Cabanyes. Expect brisk service and some confusion over the menu (I ordered what I thought to be scallops and was perplexed when I got cockles in a tin of brine) - play it safe by ordering from the 'sandwich menu' - everything seems less daunting when it comes on a slice of toasted bread.

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"Trippier than a drunken game of skip rope"
Want to experience the closest thing to a LSD trip? See the world through Antonio Gaudi's eyes at La Sagrada Familia. The UNESCO heritage church is most certainly the icon of Barcelona, and is as famous for Gaudi's unique style as it is for being incomplete: construction began in 1882, and only recently has a completion date been announced - 2026, the centenary of Gaudí's death. If you ever felt bad about missing a deadline...

Park Guell, a place where Gaudi doesn't look gaudy. The organic shapes, mosaic tiles, natural materials and undulating curves are in context at the gardens that surround the late architect's former home (now a museum).

"Everything the light touches is ours, Simba". The view from the entrance of MNAC at the top of Montjuïc hill.

15 THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT

VISITING BARCELONA IN SUMMER:

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

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THE GOOD

1. IT'S THE PLACE TO SEE AND BE SEEN

It seemed like everyone was in Barcelona: friends from London, friends from Malaysia, a friend of an ex who I ran into at The W (lolwhut), and a special someone who joined me from Berlin at the last minute - arriving 3 hours before I did with this greeting.

2. APARTMENT THERAPY

Sometimes you should judge a book by its cover. I chose this apartment on AirBnB because I loved its clean minimalist lines and grey colour scheme (basically, I'm shallow). I couldn't have been happier with my choice - the apartment was a mere three blocks from La Sagrada Familia, the host was so incredibly friendly, helpful, and made us feel so at home, and a bargain at £45 a night.

3. CLASSY CLASSIC

The classical elegance of Palau Nacional is a breath of fresh air from the surreal higgledy-piggledy madness of the Gaudi architecture that Barcelona is known for. Inside the sumptuous Spanish-Renaissance inspired building is the astonishing Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya (MNAC for short) where Picasso coexists with revolutionary art, plus a Gothic collection guaranteed to awe you into silence especially when observed while listening to the haunting strains of live classical music.

4. THE VIEW FROM THE TOP OF MONTJUÏC HILL

Stop to catch your breath with a fresh breeze and a coffee at the cafe by the entrance of the Museu Nacional d'Art de Catalunya. The view as you descend Montjuïc Hill is something else, too: I nearly gave myself whiplash turning around every other second to take in the looming Palau Nacional and the 'magic fountain' of Montjuïc, all the way down to Plaza de Espana.

5. PARK LIFE

Whether or not you plan to visit the Gaudi House-Museum, you simply can't miss Park Guell (or as I like to call it, Gaudi's backyard). Entrance to the garden is free, and there was plenty to see and do: from long walks around/under Flintstone-esque stone structures, to terrorising a bird-hating someone by plopping pigeons on them. God, I'm evil.

6. FOOD TRAIL

Lawd knows how I was in Barcelona for four days yet didn't gain any weight because this city has a serious eat, nap, eat late, sleep, repeat culture. Seafood lovers on a budget would love La Paradeta - the most affordable seafood joint in town where the grub is priced by weight, and Els Pescadors for some of the Mediterranean's finest seafood - the restaurant’s cod is said to be one of the best in the world. For an authentic tapas experience, it doesn't get more real than artichoke and tuna belly with sea-urchin at Quimet Y Quimet. Speaking of authentic, Can Culleretes is that rare 'real deal' in the heart of tourist destination La Rambla - hearty cooking unchanged over hundreds of years. For the swish, two Michelin-starred ABaC is sure to impress.

7. THE W BARCELONA

If you haven't already gleaned from my previous reviews of W Amsterdam and W Saint Petersburg, the W Hotels are the place to be for international globe trotters who love all things stylish and happening. The W Barcelona is no exception: between a seriously sleek pool terrace with an unbeatable view of the Mediterranean and their stylish, innovative restaurants and bars, this is the place to stay when in town. I've been told that the W Barcelona is one of, if not the best W Hotel in the world, so I intend to return and report back to you on this...

8. PASSEIG DE GRACIA

Skip Le Corte Ingles and Placa de Catalunya: the serious shoppers hit up Passeig de Gracia. From Prada to Zara, everyone's shopping needs are sorted on Barcelona's answer to Bond Street. Add two major Gaudi-designed buildings and museums to the mix - Casa Batllo and Casa Milla and you've got both cultural and sartorial urges covered. And one other thing...the Zara sale. You're welcome.

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THE BAD

9. FEELING THE HEAT This could swing either way, depending on how you feel about hot weather. Are you: Team Asian Persuasion or Team Mad Dogs & Englishmen? If, like me, you belong to the latter camp then sightseeing in Barcelona in summer is borderline unbearable. 27c my butt - more like 32...

10. FROM EURO TO ZERO "Would you like to pay in Euros or Pound Sterling, senora?""How much is that in Euros?""€118.""What about Pounds?""€108"ARGHHH F U BREXIT *#@!!!

11. DISPLAY AND PAY I forget how spoilt the Brits are until I remember that most of the world's museums are not, in fact, free (in Barcelona, the exception is Free Sundays).

12. LA SAGRADA FAMILIA Which brings me to this point: personally, if you've been to La Sagrada Familia before, like I have, then an unfinished church is completely overrated. Especially when you have to pay €30 for the pleasure. Seen it once, over it. Bye!

THE UGLY

13. BETWEEN A ROCKSTUD AND A HARD PLACE Do not wear brand new Valentino heels to climb hills. Blisters the size of croquetas: that is all I have to say.

14. FLIGHTS OF FANCY'Tis the season for airlines to overbook their flights, as I learnt the hard way when EasyJet brought forward my flight back to London to 5 hours earlier...without my consent or knowledge. I only happened to find out two hours before my changed flight was due to takeoff because I checked my EasyJet app. My trip cut short and a mad dash to the airport later, and I'm still waiting to hear if I'll get the compensation I'm entitled to. Watch this space.

15. THE AIRBNB 'SCAM' Wow, I don't even know where the heck to begin...long story short, a group of my friends fell prey to a 'scam' that apparently is not uncommon in Barcelona. Their AirBnb was robbed of €7000 of goods, and the circumstances are extremely suspicious to say the least. Theirs is a cautionary tale that needs its own post, so I'll blog about it in the coming days. It's a story every traveller must read. ❒

Barcelona was, for lack of a better word, colourful - and I'm not talking about just the architecture.

Have you been? Was your trip as dramatic as mine?

BRAVE NEW WORLD: APPROACHING MY '30S

WITH A NEW SKINCARE ROUTINE (FOR UNDER £45)

A time machine. That's what I want for my big three-oh in August. Instead, I'm getting a trip to NYC with this one, possibly a new lens, and the inevitable rude awakening that moisturising my face with tap water just isn't going to cut it anymore. For years I've been dogged by everybody who's bought into the beauty industry hype insisting on the necessities of face oil, serum, eye cream, and all things anti-aging, which if you think about it, is a basically a time machine. For the face. To be honest, even if I rewind the clock my face would be the least of my priorities (I'd just slap my 18 year old self and scream "You do not have cellulite!") but ask me again in a year when, if scare-mongering is to be believed, everything starts heading south... So, to appease the Gods of Time, I've built a sort of shrine devoted to the age-old process of beautification, or rather undoing the ravages of time - which is basically a superfluous way of saying I finally have a makeup table. By way of offerings, I've managed to snag myself a whole seven-piece skincare set for more mature skin - including face oil, eye cream, serum! - all for under £45 with 3 for 2 on selected Botanics products.

The ritual is as follows: my morning and evening ablutions begin with the All Bright Cleansing Foam Wash, followed by a spritz of Organic Rosewater to tighten the pores. A mist of rosewater also makes for a great makeup setting spray. I slap on a layer of Radiant Youth Super Serum and dab on some Radiant Youth Hydrating Eye Cream before I moisturise with Radiant Youth Protecting Day Cream SPF15. For the evenings, I skip the serum. Instead, I replace that step with Triple Age Renewal Smoothing Facial Oil (in-store only, and sold out everywhere it seems - I snagged mine at a Boots in Gatwick Airport) followed by Radiant Youth Replenishing Night Cream.

I've been using Botanics, the award-winning brand from Boots, ever since I was introduced to the Radiant Youth Microdermabrasion Polish. I admire businesses that strive to be environmentally friendly, myself being a advocate of wearing vintage clothes. So, Botanics' organic beauty products made with natural plant extracts and developed with plant experts at Royal Botanic Gardens Kew makes for a lighter conscience - not just for sustainability, but also knowing that I'm effectively supporting a less mainstream brand and getting just as effective results at a pocket-friendly price point.

As for my 'beauty nook' (left), all I really did was move a mirrored console table from my living room into a corner of my bedroom, propped up a couple of mirrors I found while antiquing, put down a slab of marble, then arrange my fragrances and makeup to make a dedicated 'face-station'. I'm the sort of person who's perfectly happy doing my makeup standing up, or on a moving train, so if this new addition is definitely an indication of a shift...

Did you find that your attitude toward skincare and beauty change as you left your twenties?

A CAUTIONARY TALE OF AIRBNB BURGLARLY IN BARCELONA,
AND HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF BECAUSE AIRBNB WON'T

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It was the sort of incident that happens to other people - friends of friends of friends, people who post in travel forums and /r/travelnightmare threads - but would never happen to you...until it does. Nobody plans a holiday and expects this sort of horror story to happen to them: especially since they've been so careful to check a listing's reviews, that the host is verified, and of course one expects a large company like Airbnb to look after their guests' safety and rights. Should the worst happen, Airbnb are a multimillion dollar company and will cover you, won't they? Wrong on all counts, I'm afraid. When renting with Airbnb it really is a case of caveat emptor - let the buyer beware. Although Posh, Broke, & Bored is all about the luxury hotel reviews, today I'm breaking tradition to share this story in the hopes that it will help prevent at least one unwitting traveller from finding themselves in a similar situation and also, how to protect yourself when on holiday.

Penny wise, pound foolish

This story happened over a week ago in Barcelona. My Malaysian friends - a dozen-strong group of singles, engaged/married couples and their children - embarked on a long-awaited trip across 3 European capitals (the men were there for the football, the women were there for shopping) starting with Paris, then Amsterdam, and finally Barcelona. Being too busy for Paris and having visited Amsterdam recently I decided to skip most of the trip and just meet them in Barcelona. Naturally, trying to coordinate when you're travelling in such a big group is like herding cats, so the most sensible choice was for everyone to rent a large apartment and stay together. Being the rebel I got my own place near La Sagrada Familia while the rest spread out across two apartments near the MNAC (Catalan National Museum of Art).

No stolen passports, only cash and €7000 of designer goods

One of the apartments my friends rented was a "modern apartment...with easy access to the whole of this incredible city of Barcelona" which at £66 a night seemed like a bargain: until €7000 of my friends' personal belongings were stolen from right under their noses. Nobody could've guessed that such a boldfaced crime would've happened: the apartment's listing on Airbnb had 22 reviews averaging 4/5 stars and had been saved by 205 other travellers, plus the host himself has 154 reviews, 2 references, and is verified. The apartment was, for all intents and purposes, what you'd call a safe bet, or at least with that sort of reviews guarantee a certain level of support, protection, and safety. Again, wrong on all counts.

Now, this is what is highly irregular. Firstly, there were no signs of forced entry which suggested that the thieves were either extremely skilled or had keys to the apartment, and the only other people apart from my friends who had keys were the owner himself (I believe) and his staff. Secondly, the thieves looked to have taken their sweet time: there was no mess that usually accompanied a hurried burglary - rather, the apartment was tidy and any luggage pilfered from was repacked neatly which must mean that the thieves knew when my friends were going to be out and about. Thirdly, the thieves had very discerning taste: the many passports in the apartment were untouched, aside from €300 of cash the only items stolen were luxury goods - my friends' Paris shopping haul including a CHANEL Boy bag, a Louis Vuitton handbag, and a pair of Louboutins that my friend bought to wear at her wedding in three weeks time. It looked a lot like an inside job by thieves who knew exactly what they were looking for, what they were doing, and had pulled off this sort of thing before.

My friends discovered the theft at the end of the day (around 11:00pm) when they were noticed their luggage looked significantly lighter. A thorough sweep of the apartment revealed the many expensive belongings that had gone stolen. A phone call to the owner and an email to Airbnb ensued, as did an immediate report to the local police station. The police were apparently dismissive and not especially helpful, saying that they would return in the morning with an English translator (which according to two of my Spanish friends is typical of Barcelona police). My Airbnb host, Mikel, on the other hand, was extremely helpful and compassionate, offering his sofa bed to my friends should they want somewhere else to stay for the night, and he also gave me the phone number for the Barcelona branch of Airbnb and offered to speak to the them in Spanish for them. I phoned customer services on behalf of my friends as I had a British sim and could use my minutes in Spain. After half an hour of explaining the situation and asking Airbnb for advice on coverage and compensation, I went away with "we're aware of the situation and we're sorry this happened to your friends, but we have to deal with them directly". In other words: thanks for calling but we can't do anything for you.

Travel insurance: what it will and won't cover

I did some research on travel forums looking for similar experiences by other Airbnb users. I discovered that while Airbnb insures the host for up to £1million, the guests themselves have no protection against this sort of thing. From the sound of it, the best or rather only way to recoup one's losses is to have your travel insurance company sue the host, who in turn will invoke the host insurance and have Airbnb pay for your losses. Unfortunately, my friends use Visa who will only cover you if your belongings are lost at the airport, and even then they cover up to just USD1000. Also, most travel insurance covers valuables lost only during the flight or transit. If you're on a trip and travelling with highly valuable goods, especially if you're staying at an Airbnb where you can't expect the same amount of protection as their hosts, the only way to have absolute peace of mind against theft or loss is to specify to your travel insurance provider that you want additional coverage - with an extra premium, of course.

Now what?

My friends, the victims, couldn't recoup their losses. More so than the cost of the things stolen - including a CHANEL bag they were helping a friend back in Malaysia buy from Paris and accessories to wear at their upcoming wedding - it was the incredible hassle and heartbreak of having to rush back to Paris right after Barcelona to buy everything again. They left Europe €7000 poorer plus with a bad taste in their mouth from disappointing help and protection from Airbnb, their host (who defended his staff and refused to investigate or even question them), the Barcelona police, and their travel insurance. The chilling thing is that this very nearly happened to me - before my friends booked that apartment I looked at the very same one on Airbnb and was considering it. I only rejected it because the decor was 'too red' for my taste. It's also worth noting that my Spanish friend who has lived in Barcelona mentioned that these sort of thefts from Airbnb properties in the city are not uncommon. After all is said and done, I've used Airbnb before and I've never had a bad experience. When done properly, it's a great way to really get a feel for a city and also an affordable alternative to luxury hotels. I would highly recommend Airbnb (you can use this code for £20 off your next booking) - just be sure that your travel insurance covers your needs, and as you would when living anywhere that isn't you home, stay safe.

Have you ever been burgled or stolen from when travelling?
What precautions do you take and which insurance do you use?
Please comment on your experiences and share this post if you think it could be useful.

BUNGA BUNGA AND THE LATINA COOK PRESENT THE RIO 2016 OLYMPICS SUPPER CLUB

I have a friend, this badass corporate lawyer, whose tells me his venue of choice for closing deals are flesh bars, because apparently nothing seals the deal like making it rain - maybe it's the £5 notes that makes some feel generous? That said, this one time he took me out for dinner to give me some legal advice he passed on his usual Soho clubs: "Might be hard to focus on my buffalo wings with a lady's tackle waving in my face." Where is your famed steely-determination and concentration now, loco? Clearly, being of the gentler sex gives me an edge on multitasking which is why I'm not opposed to having my brioche come with a side of buns - rather, I embrace the 'eat and be entertained' concept especially when its themed and done well, like Bunga Bunga have with their Rio 2016 Olympics Supper Club.

To celebrate the Olympics, Bunga Bunga is hosting two Rio-inspired Supper Clubs in collaboration with Natalie Salmon (left) the Brazilian-British blogger of The Latina Cook. The menu, created by Bunga Bunga head chef Alexis De Naray and Natalie is a smorgasbord of Brazilian delicacies such as coxinha and pineapple carpaccio. The preview I attended last week was an experience both culinary and educational, with bloggers and journalists curiously sampling chicken heart (sinewy with a strange gritty texture and not undelicious, although knowing what it is did make one unwilling); a healthy Brazilian pizza, a surprisingly decadent kale salad with mango, and the proper pronounciation of acai (it's 'a-sah-yee').

I've always enjoyed Bunga Bunga's infamous brand of raucous fun, from their karaoke sessions in the restaurant downstairs to their themed-rooms. You may have seen my blog post of last winter's House of Peroni collaboration, an Italian hog roast with Il Porco, that Bunga Bunga pride themselves on attention to detail, and their Brazil-themed Cocobananas Club pop up is no different.

I took Aftab with me and we sampled twelve different Brazilian dishes: starters of chicken heart, coxinha, and pastel pastries; mains of feijoada (a stew made from cheaper cuts of meat that is a staple among Brazilians - a truly democratic dish across social classes), healthy Brazilian pizza (with goats cheese, kale, sweet potato, and sprinkled with toasted Brazil nuts), and the freshest amazon ceviche (perfectly marinated in lime); sides of kale & mango salad, polenta chips, and truffle cassava chips; puddings of Natalie's signature avocado ice-cream served in Bunga Bunga's famous gondola and acai bowls using premium organic, wild harvested Acai pulp from Amacai; and finally a special treat of Brigadeiros (Brazilian chocolate fudge balls). We danced off this decadent 12-dish spread with Bunga Bunga's resident 'Latin ladies' - playing limbo, doing the conga conga, and dancing the samba in the colourful Cocobananas Club.

If you fancy a bit of Rio Olympics pre-game, Natalie The Latina Cook and Bunga Bunga will be hosting two more Rio Olympics 2016 Supper Club events on Friday 5th August and Sunday 21st August. The Cocobananas Club, a colourful Brazilian-themed bar and restaurant on the top floor of Bunga Bunga, will be open every Friday and Saturday with an assortment of Summer fun and Brazilian Beach Bums.

Head down to Bunga Bunga and get your samba on !

*I was a guest of Bunga Bunga. All opinions are my own.

Hand luggage only? Carry on these skincare and beauty essentials for travelling light in summer.

THIS BEAUTY ADDICT'S MUST HAVES FOR TRAVELLING LIGHT IN SUMMER

For someone with so much baggage (both of the emotional and under eye variety) I am surprisingly apt at travelling light. Maybe it's a generation-specific skill - like mentally-cropping scenes into a square frame or cooking desserts in the microwave - or perhaps living in London ie. the springboard to European city breaks coupled with my KonMari obsession has surely but surely moulded me into that smug set of traveller who can squeeze a Macbook Air, a DSLR with two lenses, and five days of fashion plus beauty products into a carry on bag (who says millennials don't know anything?). By the time you read this I'll already be in Croatia, sunning myself on the one sandy beach in Split wearing a choice of the 3 bikinis and three shoes I packed, covered head to toe in 2 different kinds of sunscreen I've brought, and because I'm 'Generation Snapchat' also probably sporting a full face of makeup. And I managed to pack all of this plus a scented candle, two cameras, and Bose speakers in an EasyJet-approved cabin bag. How? Read on...

The two clear pouches you see above are the entirety of my makeup, skincare, and medication.

Spot a tube of Mopiko, South East Asia's much-beloved mosquito bite ointment.

THE SOLID CHOICE

Sunscreen is non-negotiable for summer holidays and trips to any tropical destination. If it's a short trip I'm taking and I can't be bothered with check-in luggage or buying sunscreen at my destination (the worst is only needing to use some of a new bottle and throwing away the rest - so incredibly wasteful and not terrific for the environment) I pack solid sunscreen. It works just like roll-on deodorant, and even better than avoiding messy spills in my beach bag the solid stick surpases hand luggage restrictions. My go-to is the Elizabeth Arden Eight Hour Cream Sun Defense Face SPF50 and Soltan Active Ultra Resistance Suncare Protection Stick SPF50. The Elizabeth Arden stick is a little dear but the Soltan stick is a bargain at £3.50. Both combined gets you more than a week's worth of body and face sun protection for under £20, which is less than what you would spend to check in your luggage should you take liquid sunscreen. For this reason, it goes without saying that roll-on deodorant is preferable to aerosols. Throw in a travel candle - my scent du jour is Capri Blue Pomegranate Citrus - plus some solid chewable toothpaste tablets too, and you've got your health essentials. Solid.

THE CLEAR CHOICE

Perspex clutches and Kartell Ghost furniture - love. The flimsy sandwich bags you get right before the security queue at the airport - not so much. Those plastic baggies are proof that clear doesn't always equal chic. Thin, prone to ripping, and unyielding (to add insult to injury, if you forget to bring your own some airports will charge you for them. That must be the least satisfying 'toy in a ball' you can buy from a vending machine) - those sandwich bags are the bane of my every traveller's existence, whether or not you're flying budget or Business Class.

What a lot of people don't realise is that you can use any clear pouch as long as it doesn't exceed 20cm in length. I use this clear cosmetic case from Muji for my liquid and gel items: beauty samples; travel-sized skin, body, and hair care; and makeup items like liquid lipstick and concealer. Measuring in at 18.5cm and made from sterner stuff than the paper-thin nonsense that airports hand out, this cosmetic case will fit far more items without tearing and still fit hand luggage requirements. Plus, it's not a bloody eyesore. Japanese minimalism: the clear choice.

What are your beauty, skincare, and makeup travel essentials?
Are you Team 'Check In' or Team 'Keep Calm And Carry On'?

SHOP THE POST:

A day in the life of one-woman PR powerhouse Jessica Patterson of JPR Media.

GUEST POST BY JESSICA PATTERSON, THE PINT-SIZED PR POWERHOUSE OF JPR MEDIA

Hello from sunny Split! By the way that's not me in the picture above, that's my friend Jessica Patterson in Ibiza (confusing, I know) who is today's guest blogger on Posh, Broke, & Bored. Now, I've had a few requests from other bloggers to guest post but this is a first for me: I've never actually agreed to guest post requests before. But I said yes to Jess (oh, that rhymes) because not only is she a personal friend from my Mayfair heydays, she is also the epitome of self-branding done right and the kind of admirable, entrepreneur #GirlBoss ~~that everyone thinks I am but I'm actually secretly too lazy to be~~ forget you read that last part. I can't help but admire Jess (oh, I'll just call you J-Pat from here on, you cool with that J-Pat?)'s driven spirit and tireless hustle. So, by way of inspiration, rather than let my blog have a hiatus while I'm travelling, I thought I'd let J-Pat liven up the proceedings with this guest post on a typical day in the life of a PR powerhouse. Take it away, Jess!

WWW.JPRMEDIA.COM • #PRThatPacksaPunch

Jessica Patterson:I constantly want to be productive. Not just efficient, but also effective. Every day, it’s not just about the amount of hours you work and how hard you think you've worked - it’s also bout how efficient you are with your time. Why sweat the small stuff? So let’s just talk about a normal day for me. First things first: my PR agency JPR Media Group was conceived 2 years ago to pay off £40,000 worth of debt which shockingly I accomplished in 3 months from start date. It was a huge achievement for me, but maybe not for others: one person’s £1,000,000 is another person’s pocket change. That’s where self-awareness and perspective comes in. Thirty one contracts signed and almost 2 years on, JPR Media are now based on the 1st floor above The Worlds End Market on the Kings Road in Chelsea. I’m certainly not a Chelsea girl, albeit I have lived in Chelsea, Knightsbridge, South Kensington and Pimlico for 12 out of the 14 years I’ve lived in London. I’m a Californian living in London and I have built my business into a fantastic female empowering, creative, innovative, trusted, unique lifestyle brand.

My clients are incredible. They have the ability to build businesses and

make their dreams a reality through their business acumen and hustle.

So, today. I woke up at 7:00am. My first business meeting of the day was at 9:00am with an incredibly talented commercial interior designer with hanging clouds from the ceiling which rumble with thunder and lightning. The room was covered in industrial, sci-fi looking characters as well as Japanimation characters and memes moulded into giant heads. I was invited in to discuss doing PR for this studio over hot coffee and sugar biscuits. My second meeting was at the house of my partner Nick House in another project, Carbon Club in Ghana which we are launching in several months. Here we discussed lighting effects, staff hiring, special effects, and graphic design work for billboards and adverts over a bowl of granola and green tea.

When I enter the JPR Media Group office, the team is busy working. At approximately 8:00 - 9:00am I usually send a group Whatsapp of specific individual tasks for everyone to achieve. I’ve been lucky in my organisation to have some amazing girls work with me. I’m always surprised to see how hard they work and how talented they are.

Whether it’s their organizational skills, polish, hustle, negotiation skills, and social media eye – I hire amazing people for three main reasons – one: They are better than me at something needed, two: They have incredible work ethic and passion, three: I like them. It’s pretty simple. As a company, I don’t have any drama ever. It's work, and the PR women on my team are focused, smart and hard workers. Fast forward to 5:00pm and I’m drinking my second virgin bloody Mary. I’ve heard the new bartender downstairs is an exact lookalike of H&M male model Jon Kortojarena. Good news for the JPR girls!

Today I’ve been asked to do the following:

Meet with my partner Nick House to launch a club in Ghana.
Send proposals to a hotel, a high-end restaurant, and a commercial interior designer, and also set up meetings with hotel owners and property developers for my interior design client.
Write a guest blog post (Hi!)
Book restaurant reviews into Vicino, Circus Restaurant, 35 New Cavendish, and The Worlds End Market.
Raise £30,000 cash in a week.
Launch a soon to be announced international restaurant.
Create a concept for a new film.
Edit a film we just shot a couple days ago into two versions and get one version into press.
Plan a Woman’s Crush Wednesday at Circus.
Plan JPR Media’s 2 year anniversary party.
Set up meetings with hotel owners whilst I’m in Santorini this Saturday, and set up meetings with hotel owners whilst I’m in Ibiza in two weeks.
Find complimentary alcohol to be delivered to Croatia.
Set up new meetings with 10+ clients.
Send post press releases and images to everyone who went to our bloggers dinner last night.
Send all articles published today and follow up on competitions to my social media manager.

Oh, and today I launched a JPR Media app. Why? Because JPR Media are established innovators.

Each day, we think of ways to lead the pack, in a big way.

Meat lovers rejoice: Shotgun BBQ in Carnaby Street, Soho is a cozy, reasonably-priced American-style BBQ eatery for carnivores who love their ribs, brisket, and pork belly with a side of corn bread.

"Is this what freedom tastes like?"'Muhrican meat at Shotgun BBQ, Carnaby Street

Aside from the cardinal sin of steak "well done" (ironic, really, because good steak should always be rare or medium-rare) you have to admit our Yankee friends know good meat. Pulled pork, baby back ribs, crispy bacon *waits for the culinary experts to jump in and tell me that all of these are not actually American*...well, strap me in a stars & stripes-emblazoned mobility scooter and get me to Carnaby Street, because there be an American BBQ joint where a carnivore like me can get her meat fix on. Leave behind your eco-terrorist friend (although why anyone would be friends with someone who wears leather and fur but will silently wait for your steak tartare to arrive only to launch into the hackneyed "all life is sacred" spiel is beyond me...) and instead take with you the friend who doesn't judge - hello, Luxy! - because there is no demure nor refined way to eat at Shotgun BBQ - you get stuck in, and what a delicious mess you'll make.

SHOTGUN BBQ • 26 KINGLY STREET, LONDON W1B 5QD

I arrived early, before Luxy did which is a rare occurrence for me, so to continue my winning streak I requested to be moved from our dimly-lit table to one under the skylight. The ambience at Shotgun BBQ is what I would politely call cozy; that is, small and dark. The decor choices were probably made in mind that nobody, not even J-Law could look graceful with a mouth smeared with the restaurant's Carolina sauce, a loose bit of baby back rib dangling from the corner of one's meat-hole. The 'man-cave' vibe of the restaurant is fitting with the archaic masculine associations of meat with masculinity, although some would say that there's nothing more sensual than a stylish woman tearing into her meal like a wolf ravaging her kill.

Between us both, Luxy and I ordered the middle white pork belly and baby back ribs accompanied with corn bread and pickles, USDA point-end brisket burnt ends, baked potato puree, and banana pudding. Blissful moans punctuated a satisfied silence as we sunk our teeth into the spoils, myself especially enamoured with the buttery rich texture of the potato puree with pleasant textured bits of baked skin, whose creamy texture perfectly offset my rich, perfectly cooked pork belly. The brisket burnt ends were decent, although a tad too cooked for my taste, but you're talking about someone who likes her meat raw. The portion baby back ribs was extremely generous - I watched with amusement as Luxy tackled her seemingly never-ending plate while enjoying the show as I dipped cornbread into my potato puree. Of the sauces, my favourite were the Carolina and the KC, both of which packed an almost-uncomfortably spicy, tangy punch. When our banana pudding arrived in a giant vase both my eyes and the top button of my jeans popped in unison, thankfully the actually serving was just a spoonful from the vast vessel. All in all, we both had a very filling, very generously-sized meal of two mains, a side, two soft drinks and a pudding to share for just under £50 - a modest price for a meal of immodest portions.

SHOTGUN BBQ • 26 KINGLY STREET, LONDON W1B 5QD

LAZY HAZY DALMATIAN DAYS: 10 REASONS TO VISIT SPLIT, CROATIA

+ MY PHOTO DIARY FROM 5 DAYS IN THE LAND OF CRAVATS AND SPOTTED DOGS

"Have you been to Split?""Nope. I've heard it's nice down the middle, but opinions are divided."

Another (disputed) Balkan city, another pun opportunity. The last and only time I visited Croatia was when I flew from London to Dubrovnik then drove an hour to Porto Montenegro, which gave rise to my terribly brilliant/brilliantly terrible remix of Ni**as in Paris: "Balkan so hard Montenegrins wanna fine me, first Slavs gotta find me, what's Kosovo to a Yugoslavian like me can you please remind me? Balkan so hard, that Serb cray." *long awkward silence* Clearly, being a lyrical gangster/prose mangler/politically-insensitive buttwipe isn't yet criminalised in that part of the world because MC Interpol (or should that be PC Language?) didn't bar me from entering Croatia, where I've just returned from having spent the better part of the last week. And what a week. A spur of the moment decision which ensued in frantic bookings of flights and Airbnb the day before - you could say I made up my mind in a Split second, haha - turned into five blissful days of scrumptious Dalmatian feeding frenzies, too-blue-to-be-true waters and skies, gorgeous surroundings brimming with ancient history, and BC: brilliant company and blonde Croat (you'll see).

Even if you haven't got your own floppy-haired blue-eyed BC to guide you around the dizzying labyrinth that is Old Town there's no reason why you shouldn't make your way to the largest city of Dalmatia. If you need more convincing, here's the first half of the fifty-something of my photos and ten reasons why you should make like a Croat and Split...

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY JASIMINNE YIP USING CANON 6D (50MM 1.4& 24MM 2.8)

1/ LIVE LIKE A ROMAN EMPEROR
The heart of Split is Diocletian's Palace, which forms half the Old Town and the city centre. At the turn of the fourth century AD, Roman emperor Diocletian built this 'palace' (really a huge fortress, half of it for Diocletian's personal use and the rest housing the military garrison) as his retirement home. Today, the royal residence is the 'palace of the people' - occupied by businesses and residents making their homes within the palace basement and directly in its walls. Diocletian's Palace is a dizzying labyrinth of random alleyways and tiny side streets packed with shops, restaurants, and boutique hotels - where lines of laundry, kidults playing Pokemon Go, pet cats, and other trappings of everyday life jostle among this UNESCO Heritage Site.

Because of the historical nature of Diocletian's Palace, you'll find that all the luxury hotels are quite the distance from Old Town. At best, you'll find 4-star hotels in the cobblestoned, pedestrianised palace so you'll have to choose luxury over convenience. BC and I picked this apartment down a tiny alleyway off the main square right above the Temple of Jupiter. Every morning we woke up to the sound of tourists gathering outside the famous headless Sphinx and locals going about their daily business. It's the most immersive experience one could hope for: staying in the living and breathing incarnation of ancient Croatian history built by a Roman emperor and now a world heritage site.

Something's afoot: Rub the toe of the statue of Gregory of Nin (left) for good luck and don't forget to make a wish! Go wild and toe the line...

Of archways and ancient history:

Much like Hogwarts, every corner you take leads you to stairs, corridors, and rooms you could've sworn weren't there before. Whether each surprising discovery holds a charming family-run restaurant, a door to someone's home, or props (above, right) from a cultural show (below) which impedes the usual entrance to your Airbnb, you can be sure that Diocletian's Palace has more twists and turns than a proverbial snake. The maze also makes for plenty of Pokemon: there was apparently a Pikachu nearby but it was well-hidden...

2/ THERE BE DRAGONS HERE

Game of Thrones is to Croatia what Lord Of The Rings is to New Zealand. Dubrovnik saw a surge of visitors keen to visit the real life King's Landing. Game Of Thrones tours now take place in the old city of Dubrovnik, Trsteno, and Split where fans flock to see the Red Keep, House of the Undying and the setting of the Purple Wedding but to name a few. Daenerys fans will recognise the basement of Diocletian's Palace from her throne room and scenes like this. Descend to the cellars as a shortcut to the Riva harbour, pause to peruse the souvenir stands, and revel in the haunting atmosphere (sometimes enhanced by the acoustics of acapella singers) - you may just hear heavy-set, distinctly-reptilian breathing...

The straight and narrow:

The narrowest alleyway in Split (above, left) right beside the Temple of Jupiter (below) is aptly named "Let Me Pass! street". The green shutters on the first floor to the right was where we stayed: in an Airbnb inside a 400-year old house on Kraj Sv. Ivana, a narrow street just off the square with a view of Cathedral of St. Domnius (above right). The temple dedicated to the Roman God of sky and thunder and king of the Gods is guarded by one of 12 Sphinxes shipped from Egypt by Diocletian. This stone creature is especially famous for having literally lost its head, which makes for the ultimate "Look ma, I'm a Sphinx!" photo. Interesting fact: this well-shaded spot beside the headless Sphinx is supposedly the least hot in Old Town. Take a break by the Sphinx and catch your cool, even if ol' puss didn't...

BC2: Blonde Croat x Brunette (Malaysian) Chinese. Candids from Snapchat, blink and you'll miss it: @poshbrokebored

3/ A FEAST FOR CULTURE VULTURES

The square is alive with the sound of music: in the summer, Prokurative - Republic Square (above) is the site of concerts and cultural events, the most popular being the Entertainment Musical Festival of Split. The salmon-pink neo-Renaissance buildings are inspired by the architecture of 19th-century Venice.

Artsy-fartsy chin-strokers will have plenty to ponder at the Gallery of Fine Arts (below). Split’s main art gallery, located in a newly-refurbished old hospital, boasts a collection spanning from Renaissance-representations to the recent, with an emphasis on works by key figures of Croatian art. Personally, I found the 'traditional collection' a tad small and thus lacked the kind of thematic coherence I'm accustomed to from a large gallery. I found the contemporary art far more absorbing: politically-charged installations and moving image as well as prints and photography (left and below) from local and international artists.

Sculpture enthusiasts would love to be caught between a rock and hard place at Meštrović Gallery, the neo-classical villa built in 1931 by Croatia's most renowned sculptor. The range of Ivan Meštrović's work, from statues to portraits and even his influences are displayed beside his story of growing up in what would become Yugoslavia.

For historians, Split City Museum (a 15th-century Gothic building in the heart of Diocletian's palace) is a candyshop: chock-a-bloc with paintings, weapons, photographs, maps and old papers documenting the development of Split as a port town.

Dig a little deeper at the Archaeological Museum. Founded in 1832, this museum is a three floor smorgasbord starting at the top with a prehistoric section of ceramics and weaponry, followed by a Roman and Liburnian floor, and ending with the Middle Ages on the ground floor.

My favourite part of the museums is when I exit through the gift shop because I like to put a price on culture. Browsing the antique stalls (left) beside the Gallery of Fine Arts is my idea of heaven, with weapons, old coins, and vintage cameras begging to be taken home. Superstitious shoppers who like their loot new and sans spirits are spoilt for choice at the many souvenir stands between the promenade and statue of Gregory Nin. Nearby Green Market is brimming with fresh fruit and truffle products (a Croatian specialty) - perfect for snack stops.

For a truly surreal experience hop to Froggyland. Over 500 stuffed frogs posed in hilariously detailed 'human situations' - it's funny, bizarre, and unnerving.

4/ RIVA, RIVA ON THE MALL...

Split's living room. Pedestrian heaven. The stage of the city life of Split. The Riva has been called all these and all, but I prefer this analogy: if Diocletian's Palace is the heart of Split, than this promenade is the main artery where the blood of the city ebbs and flows. The first time I set eyes on the Riva I could've sworn I was in the French Riviera, and I wouldn't be completely wrong: the Riva looks the way it does when Napoleon ruled the region two centuries ago. Old shorty pants may have gone, but the French are still around...along with the Americans, the British (hello, am I in Spain?), the Australians...everyone from everywhere in the world, really. Pulsing with cafés, bars, ice-cream parlours, restaurants, to say nothing of the many cultural events that take place at night (does breakdancing count?), the Riva is the place to see and be seen. Evidently: the BC mused that his cousin was also holidaying in Split and that they were bound to run into each other at the Riva. I chuckled at his optimism and lo, come the next evening, guess who had an inadvertent 'family reunion'?

5/ GATEWAY TO ISLAND ADVENTURES

True to its origins as a port town, Split is a springboard to the other islands of the Dalmatian coast and also a gateway to adventure. There's no shortage of excursions and tours revolving around places of incredible natural beauty, be it a day trip to Plitvice lakes, Krka waterfalls, the islands of Korcula and party town Hvar (Croatia's answer to Ibiza?), Blue Cave, Green Cave, Blue Lagoon...the list is endless. Don't feel the pressure to pre-book a tour ahead of your travels as the prices can be a tad steep especially in summer. Instead, look for the many, many tourist centres in Old Town as well as along The Riva - you may very well be able to bargain. There is an even more pocket-friendly way to explore the Dalmatian islands - you can get ferries for less than 30KN (about £3). Sure, the pace is slow and the trip is long but with stunning views of turquoise waters and rolling mountains plus the sun on your face, slow and steady does win the race...

Landlubbers can keep their feet on the ground: climb the Mediterranean pine forest of Marjan Hill for incredible views of Old Town and beyond.

Still need convincing? Stay tuned for Part 2 of Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit Split, and a post on my 5 Restaurant Picks in Old Town.

Have you ever been to Split?
Can you hear Croatia calling?
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Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit Split, Croatia

THE DALMATIAN DIARIES, PART TWO

READ PART ONE HERE

I can give you two reasons as to why I'm feelin' blue right now and they're both Croatia-related. One: It's all the colour I can see from editing my photos of Split - an endless palate of 'too turquoise to be true' skies and sea (not sure if Desktop wallpaper or...) and two: the non-stop parade of Balkan bliss is pure torture when juxtaposed against the landscape of grey outside my window (remind me to submit the shade to Pantone as 'London Summer'). If I were less noble *cough* and blogged only for my own benefit, then sure, I already have my reasons to return to the Dalmatian coast, but of course I've made it my duty to convince you to make like a Croat and Split! so without further ado, here's part 2 of my Ten Reasons Why You Should Visit Split, Croatia...

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PHOTOGRAPHY BY JASIMINNE YIP USING CANON 6D (50MM 1.4 & 24MM 2.8)

6/ BEACH, PLEASE
Many visitors treat Split as a port to the other Dalmatian islands, but if it's cool Adriatic waters and Croatian sun you seek there's no need to get on a boat to Hvar a good time. Bacvice beach is a mere 15 minute walk from the Old Town: uphill and then downhill, bizarrely. Take my shortcut - walk along the disused train tracks to avoid the climb and at the end of the line, slip through the open fence to find yourself in the middle of the beach club. Fernando Martinez purr: "Welcome to Grand Theft Auto: Bac-Vice City" optional. Bacvice beach is extremely popular with both locals and tourists (being the only urban and one of the few, if not only, sandy beaches in Split) so snagging a deckchair might be tricky - but if you do, it's a bargain at 50KN a day. Instead, make the sea your sofa: bob along the refreshingly cold waters in your giant watermelon float and snap the scenes (locals playing Picigin and semi-submerged tan line humblebrags) with your water-and-idiot proof Olympus Tough Stylus.

DON'T FEEL THE BURN:

Load up on the SPF50 because leather looks good in your wardrobe, not on your face.

"Hand luggage only..." is no excuse: find out how I 'carry on' all my sun and skincare essentials.

COAST TO COAST: MEANDER ALONG THE BEACH STRIP DOWN TO THE PROMENADE, MAKING YOUR WAY UP TO PROKURATIVE (TRG REPUBLIKE - REPUBLIC SQUARE)

Bokeria Kitchen & Wine in Diocletian's Palace

The Blond Croat (BC) awaits his meal in traditional Tavern Matejuska...

Romantic ambience at Bajamonti in Prokurative (Republic Square)

Rakia or rajika - Croatian for "IT BURNS"

The never-ending Uje Oil Bar namesake platter: not for herbivores nor the lactose intolerant.

7/ MAGICAL MEATS-TERY TOUR
Croatian cuisine is a lot like that mixed-race buff ting everyone has a crush on: at once ambiguously exotic, yet somehow familiar, packed into a sweet multicultural package. Therein lies the appeal; there's bound to be something most people find attractive, be it the strong Italian influence in that Croat favourite - pasta, some of the sweetest seafood this side of the Mediterranean, or the distinctly Spanish style of sliced meats and tapas. Then there's rakija - collectively; a fruit brandy popular in the Balkans, in Croatia; a potent liquer made from...well, almost anything. Those crazy Croats will make rakija out of watermelon, pine (heck I bet they could make rakija out of truffles), and more commonly grape skins. Dalmatian dining deserves a whole post on its own, so keep your eyes peeled - I'll be blogging about which Split restaurants to seek.

8/COOL CROATS

I may be collectively viewing a nation through tourist-tinted Dior sunglasses but hand on heart, I've not met a single Splicani who was anything but courteous and patient - all of which is refreshing for this angry Londoner (STAND ON THE RIGHT OF THE TUBE ESCALATOR YOU HEATHENS) and especially commendable given that in Summer their city is saturated with tourists, many of which are probably infuriatingly annoying. The worst local opinion of the droves I've heard is my taxi driver saying, "Yes, it's crazy, but at least it's not as bad as Spain..." Then he nodded along to I Took A Pill in Ibiza.

9/#TURNUP

So you think you can dance? The droves of electro fans who flock to Split for Ultra Europe don't seem to care. This year's edition - Destination Ultra - Croatia Music Week - was an epic 7 day bender starting at Split, before moving on to Brač, Hvar, and Vis. Throw in Yacht Week and you've got a seaside town crackling with festive electricity that even non-EDM fans can appreciate. I arrived in Split after Ultra had moved on to the next island but the city was still very much staying up past its bedtime. BC and I sought out InBox: a small, outdoor harbour front nightclub that's so-bad-it's good. Sure, it was the meeting point for The League of Extraordinarily Drunk and Obnoxious Gentlemen (and women) with ambassadors from as far as Australia and USA, but I managed to spot a Squirtle so it's all good. We returned to InBox in the daytime (left) and it's actually a very pleasant day-drinking spot with views of the harbour and Old Town. Plus, we got drinks on the house and free wifi = more Pokemon Go, so...win.

10/ HOT, CHEAP, AND EASY

Calm down, I'm not talking about people (although one shot of Rakija later and I was batting eyelashes at BC like a stray speck of mascara got stuck to my contact lens). All I'm saying that given how accessible Croatia is thanks to its prime position in the Mediterranean it'd be a crime for anyone in Europe to not visit Split and see for themselves why this ancient city is such a vibrant mix of cultures - be it of its history, gastronomical influences, and the international crowd it attracts. Croatia may have opted to keep their currency but its European Union membership makes its especially easy for Brits to make it a spontaneous travel destination...at least for now, so make the most of it while you can.

Summer is high-season, but with a bit of planning you can get flights from London to Split for £45. Most of the luxury hotels are a little way from the city centre, but nobody in their right mind would pass up the chance to stay in an ancient Roman emperor's former palace. If you don't fancy an Airbnb there's Hotel Vestibul Palace, a highly exclusive boutique property with just seven contemporary-styled rooms and suites.

What are you waiting for? Go on, SPLIT!

Further reading:10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD VISIT SPLIT, CROATIA (PART 1)

Coming attractions: 5 Restaurants to Try in Split, Croatia

Where to eat in Split, Croatia: 5 authentic restaurants to try

CRUISIN' FOR CUISINE: 5 MUST-TRY RESTAURANTS IN SPLIT

I know all about the perils of being a people pleaser. With Malaysian friends I speak the ubiquitous American accent peppered with 'lahs' and 'mahs' but in Britain I oscillate between sounding slightly Transatlantic to being mistaken for an extra on Downton Abbey (upstairs, naturally). It can be exhausting trying to keep up with one's audiences' preferences - you could say I've developed split personalities. I don't know how Croatian cuisine does it: between their Italian influences (the Croats love a good seafood pasta and risotto), meat platters to rival those of Spain, and octopus so fresh you could've picked it off a boat in Greece; never mind the locals, visitors to Croatia are contemplating mid-bite "Where exactly in the Mediterranean am I?" Culinary confusion aside, this hodge-podge of personalities on a plate makes for a dining experience that is diverse and never dull, as my 'souvenir' of a 3kg weight gain (!) from 5 days in Split will attest to. Lo, here are the five restaurants you must try in Split, Croatia...

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10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD VISIT SPLIT, CROATIA: PART 1 AND PART 2

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JASIMINNE YIP USING CANON 6D (50MM 1.4 & 24MM 2.8)

1/ BOKERIA KITCHEN & WINE

I'm not a fan of rejection, but when it comes to being turned away from a restaurant for being extremely popular and busy I'm only made all the more determined to see what the fuss is about. Despite its ancient Old Town surroundings Bokeria is a young restaurant that has never seen an empty table at dinnertime since it opened in 2014 even though it's huge by Split standards: with double-height ceilings, a mezzanine dining area, and outdoor seating. The food is Mediterranean, made with seasonal ingredients supplied from the local produce and fish markets accompanied by a fine selection of Croatian wines. The Blonde Croat (BC) and I missed out on dinner because we didn't make a reservations, so by way of consolation we returned twice for breakfast and ordered the same dishes each time: bruschetta, and the most divine banana bread drizzled in salted caramel, topped with fresh fruit. Reservations essential.

BOKERIA KITCHEN & WINE

Cosmijeva ul. 2, 21000, Split, Croatia
+385 21 355 577

2/VILLA SPIZA

Just steps away from Bokeria on the same cobblestoned street in Diocletian's Palace is another Old Town restaurant where you can't get a table for neither love nor money - only patience. Unlike its shiny neighbour, Villa Spiza is a miniscule hole in the wall restaurant with a cozy 'supper club at home' vibe. Come rain or shine, eager diners wait patiently on the bench outside this eatery for their turn to dine from the daily menu. Everything is freshly cooked right before your eyes - whether it's seafood risotto with generous helpings of mussels and clams or a tender veal cutlet gloriously soaked in mushroom sauce with a side of fluffy potatoes - from the open kitchen, where you can watch your meal come to life if you snag a seat at the counter.

3/ TAVERNA MATEJUSKA

This traditional Dalmatian tavern is supposedly a local legend. It's certainly authentic - set in a historic stone hotel in a small street on the quiet end of the Riva waterfront, with framed newspaper articles and its infamously raunch cartoons hanging on its exposed stone walls. I really wanted to enjoy Matejuska after reading rave reviews about it online, but as decent as the food was I found it fared less favourably to the other stellar meals I had in Split. Perhaps my comparison is unjust; as Matejuska is a cozy, rustic tavern as opposed to a shiny, glossy restaurant. If you're in Split, why don't you try it for yourself and tell me how I'm wrong?

4/ UJE OIL BAR

If I had to sum up this place in one word it would be MEATPORN. Or smmmmmmmorgasbord. Even the combined forces of myself and the BC (both of us dedicated carnivores) found ourselves bested and suitably humbled by the Uje selection plate: a wooden cheese board heaving with meats, cheeses, the most delicious fig jam, leaves, olives, bread *catches breath* and of course, the olive oil that Uje are so famous for. Uje are local olive oil retailers and delicatessen specialists, and their 'oil bar' is as much their restaurant as a showroom of what they do and why they're so damn good at it, with rows and rows of their products including artisan salts and oils lining the walls - all available to buy, should you want to bring home some of that Dalmatian magic.

UJE OIL BAR

Dominisova ul. 3, 21000, Split, Croatia

5/ BAJAMONTI

Uje Oil Bar may have been the meat-loving Blonde Croat's favourite restaurant, but as a seafood enthusiast who loves her luxury Bajamonti is hands down the highlight of my Split culinary experience. Everything about this restaurant was perfection: the pastel pink neoclassical buildings of Prokurative (Republic Square) on each side, flanking a stunning view of the Riva and the Adriatic sea beyond, the seasonal flowers that decorate the table, the attentive and exceptional service (on our second visit the waiter remembered us and our pudding was on the house!), and the food...oh God, the food. I can't decided which was more orgasmic: the scallops baked in cheese, the handmade black noodles with lobster, or the flat noodles with heaps of seafood and cooked in the most incredible fish sauce. Even the 'land food' was amazing - the burrata was creamy and dense, the sliced meats delightfully salty, and the pudding - Ferrero cake and pannacotta - were faultless. *licks Macbook screen in desperation* An absolute must-visit!

BAJAMONTI
Marmontova ul. 3, 21000, Split, Croatia

TEN PHOTOGRAPHY TIPS FOR BLOGGERS & TRAVELLERS

BROUGHT TO YOU BY THIS MONTH'S TRAVEL BLOGGER LINKUP

*also, how sweet is my analogue camera collection?

There are three sounds that define me as a person - one: the sound of my own snoring waking me up (my shattered reveries somehow always take place in the spa, in taxis, or on short-haul flights), two: the 8-bit music of the battle theme from Pokemon Yellow (which was essentially my soundtrack from ages 12 - 15), and three: the ever present click-click-click of the camera shutter. My photography journey began way before Posh, Broke, & Bored was a thing - it started with 'digicams' in high school (oh nostalgia), then in my DeviantArt years (retro!) I taught myself conceptual photography using a bridge camera, with the rest of my gamut running the length of Micro 4/3 cameras to old-school Polaroid cameras (and their clever innovators, the Fujifilm Instax series) to DSLRS (both crop sensor and finally, full frame). In my decade-long practise it's safe to say that most of my practical photography knowledge has been gleaned from my travels, specifically the illustrious archive of photos I've produced for my travel blog posts.

For this month's travel blogger linkup me and my tired fingers present:
10 TIPS TO UP YOUR TRAVEL PHOTOGRAPHY GAME

If you're having trouble viewing this post on mobile, read my blog on desktop instead.

1/ START WITH A MICRO 4/3

If you're new to photography, you may want to ease yourself into the waters with a Micro 4/3 camera. Jargon aside, its a 'same but different' step up from a compact camera and capable of producing results to rival professional photography. I started with the Lumix GF6 (with handy flip-out 'selfie screen) then added that blogger's favourite, the Olympus Pen E-PL7 to my repertoire. Both are nifty little machines that will cover all your photography needs (especially if you upgrade to a better lens ie. a M.Zuiko lens) until you're ready for the big guns.

2/ ...THEN UPGRADE
TO A FULL FRAME DLSR

Once you go full-frame, you don't go back. Literally - no more taking thousands of steps backward ie. the bane of shooting with crop sensor DSLRs, which restricts your composition from 1.6 - 1.3 times that of a full-frame sensor. I upgraded from the 650D to the Canon 6D and I've never looked back.

3/ YOU DON'T NEED A MARK III

That said, there's no need to splash out on a Canon 5D Mark III...yet. While it's indisputably the Lamborghini of DSLRs, what's the point of a fast car (unless you're Tracy Chapman) without the skills behind the wheels? Save it for later, you speed fiend.

4/ ...OR A ZOOM LENS

As tempting as it is to level up to a 24-70mm 2.8, fact is unless you're a photojournalist in a warzone, shooting lions on safari, or snapping at socialites on the sly - basically, capturing anything dangerous - a zoom lens is just an expensive piece of plastic and glass. Prime lenses (lenses with a fixed aperture) lighter, faster (as they've less parts), and less expensive. Wherever I travel I only need two lenses - the 50mm 1.4 and the 24mm 2.8 which covers everything from wide-angle (landscapes and interiors) to close ups (street scenes, portraits, and flat lays). Read about my comparisons between and preferences for prime lenses over zoom lenses here.

5/ f8 IS FOR STREET PHOTOGRAPHY

...is the advice I received from Paul Hames at his photography workshop. He insists that it's the best way to be sure that every single detail is in focus for photos of busy scenes. If you've got the light for it, why not? Read about the correlation between aperture and light, here. Personally, I only shoot at f8 and up if it's blindingly bright and I have to up my f-stop to prevent overexposure. I prefer a soft depth of field and bokeh in my photos, but of course that is an aesthetic preference.

6/ WALK SOFTLY,
CARRY NO SELFIE STICK

The selfie stick is a fantastic way to make yourself public enemy number 1. I don't care if you're #foreveralone or want to immortalise your #squad - the selfie stick is slowly being banned, and for good reason. Need to cram your mug(s) into the selfie? Just use a wide-angle lens and flip the camera round - the old-fashioned way. Or use a tilt screen camera like the Lumix GF6 or the Olympus Pen E-PL7.

7/ WIFI ENABLED CAMERA

This is the social media addict's ultimate secret - a camera with built in wifi. Save yourself having to take the same photo again for social media - just send the photo from your camera straight to your phone with apps like Canon Camera Connect or Olympus Image Share. My internet-savvy snapper of choice is the Canon 6D. No wifi camera? No problem. Get a wifi SD card - they work just the same as wifi cameras and are simple enough to set up.

8/ GET AN ANALOGUE CAMERA

No self-respecting photographer's collection is complete without at least one film camera. Aside from the novelty of owning something so retro and seemingly tedious to use, it takes serious skill to master film photography (I 'cheated' on my film photography homework by using my DSLR for test shots, then copying the settings on my film cameras, haha). They also make excellent props, as the flat lay above of my collection of film cameras and video cameras illustrates. Then there's the magic of transforming an ephemeral moment into a physical object, a quality in danger of extinction in this digital age of Snapchats.' I adore my Fujifilm Instax Mini 75 for its Polaroid-style credit card-sized instant photos - perfect for scrapbooking and decorating with.

9/ ...DON'T FORGET A
WATERPROOF CAMERA

Do you want to risk a) dropping your camera into the sea b) smashing your iPhone, protective waterproof case and all against a coral bed c) have your lens freeze in the snow? 'Nuff said. If you're a fan of beach holiday or adventurous destinations, get a shock-proof, water-proof, accident-proof camera like the Olympus Tough - it comes with built-in wifi, too!

10/ WHAT CAMERA BAG?

Ladies, leave the hideously utilitarian bags that come with your cameras. Instead, use my simple hack for turning your existing handbag into a camera bag. Who says you can't have style and substance? Besides, when I'm travelling I find strapping my camera across my shoulder makes it easier for spontaneous shooting - rather than rummage for it in the bottom of my bag.

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ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHY ESSENTIALS YOU NEED (AND THEN SOME):

FOR MORE PHOTOGRAPHY TIPS, CHECK OUT MY BLOG & SHOOT POSTS.
What little pearls of wisdom have you picked up from your travels?
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